Jen's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Revolution"

'cause you don't got to fight or make yourself belong
to be a revolution, yeah

I feel like lately God has been pressing on my heart the importance of loving and serving others. The focus needs to be off me and more on sharing Jesus with others. I am reading in Acts how Peter and John were part of a revolution of saving thousands of people after Jesus was resurrected. I think a lot of times people like myself think that was something that happened in the Bible and won't happen again. But that's wrong! We can be a revolution. We don't have to fight or make ourselves belong...we just have to love others to make a difference.

Jen's prayer: The Elms' "Speaking in Tongues"

I always think it's amazing when God ties together what I'm reading in the Bible to other stuff in my life. I'm currently reading the book of Acts and my Daily Bible Verse I get sent to me at work is focusing on Acts this week. Then I get this song, which talks of speaking in tongues, which is the focus of the first few chapters of Acts. Sweet deal. It all ties together. At first, I got caught up in Acts with deciding how people decide whether speaking in tongues is something only the Apostles were gifted with, or if everyone can receive the spirit in that way. But then I got to thinking instead of arguing that out in my head, maybe right now I'm supposed to be focusing on something else that Acts is showing in those chapters:

we gotta speak in love!

It's amazing how in the story in Acts 2, so many people were touched by others speaking in their language. They were "cut to the heart" by what Paul taught them and immediately became followers of Christ. Awesome! I want to show others God's love and mercy and to do it, I think God is telling me I have to speak in love.

Chris' prayer: The Elms' "Speaking in Tongues"

<blockquote>People got a thing for the dangerous.
You'll find it inside the best of us.</blockquote>I'm currently
reading Michael Yaconelli's <i>Dangerous Wonder</i> with a few of the
teens at church in a small group setting. We read a chapter or two a
week, and then discuss what we've read, how our lives are going, what
we are struggling with, and how we feel. So far it has been a great
experience, and one I'm hoping they are enjoying as well.

Anyway, the point of the book thus far is that Christianity, as it is
often lived, has become boring and monotonous. This monotony exists
<b>despite</b> what Christianity calls us to. Christianity seeks to,
as Yaconelli says, completely change our lives, not to just enhance
them. Living a truly Christian life, and fully relying on the
redemptive power of Christ's sacrifice, is dangerous stuff, but
something that must happen if we are going to truly live. This means
asking all the "wrong" questions, breaking all the "rules," and
stepping outside the current paradigm.

This song echoes that sentiment. We are instilled, deep within us,
with a call to live a dangerous life. My hope is that, after listening
to this song, and reading this book, that I will afford myself the
opportunity to take more chances with my faith, to trust in God a
little more.

<a href="http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=50305850&id=50306182&s=143441">iTunes</a>
| <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Speaking-In-Tongues-lyrics-The-Elms/47206917F84B82DD48256E9D000A82A7">Lyrics</a>

Megan's prayer: The Elms' "Speaking in Tongues"

Some of us do the best we can.

I took a class this past semester called "Assessing Classroom Performance." Basically, it was how to grade students. One of the big topics we discussed was whether you should give credit for effort. One one hand, if a student tries really hard, but just isn't grasping the concept, do you really give a bad grade cause they just aren't smart enough? Or do you reward kids just for trying, having them get passing grades even in subjects they don't understand?
Although I'm still unsure as to what my philosophy is on grading, I think I need to be a little more aware of the effort people put into their faith life, especially the teens in lifeteen.

When I look at my own faith, I think that I'm normally on the right track. Granted, I'm not anywhere near Mother Teresa, but I do the best I can. I think I might be too quick to judge others, thinking they aren't serious about their faith, when in fact, they are doing the best they can. We are all made differently, we all express our faith differently. In the end, I think it is the effort that really counts.

Katie's prayer: The Elms' "Speaking in Tongues"

Some of us do the best we can.

I was thinking about this. I once heard we should all be striving for sainthood, that should be our one goal in life. Even though I'm trying hard, I'm DEFINITELY not a saint. But am I trying hard enough? Am I really doing the "best I can" to strive for sainthood? If I'm really honest with myself, the answer would be 'no'. I need to try harder to achieve that goal of 'Saint Katie'.

Jen's prayer: Cheer Up Charlie's "Save Me"

Show me
Your grace and how to share it

A lot of times I get so caught up in trying to listen to God and follow God and pray to God that I forget something even more important: SHARE GOD. How can I truly be following God if I'm not thinking about sharing Him with unbelievers? Because the true heart of a follower of God is so ecstatic about what God is doing that they just want to shout it to the world. So God, I pray that you show me your grace and light me on fire to share it with others.

Megan's prayer: Cheer Up Charlie's "Save Me"

Teach me
The love you hold for all

Not just those people who agree with me. Not just my friends. Not just people I want to love.

Teach me, Lord, how you love everyone. Help me to show compassion to those people that I often push to the side. Help me to love those most in need of your love.

Chris' prayer: Cheer Up Charlie's "Save Me"

Teach me the love You hold for all

A pretty easy statement to understand, at least intellectually. It is grammatically correct. The longest word is five letters. Only one syllable in each of the words. Most have learned each of these words by the time we begin Kindergarten. I imagine that, if asked what the most important words in the sentence are, they might choose teach, love, possibly You. I would argue, though, that the most important words are for all.

For it is those two words that seems to trip up a lot of Christians, myself often included. We forget that the Love that God has extends to every single person. And, since it does extend to every single person, we are called to treat that person with the same Love that God gives them. That is, an unlimited, unbound, unending, overflowing Love.

Lord, help me to share your love for all.

Katie's prayer: Cheer up Charlie's "Save Me"

I'm ready to commend my life
I'll follow through the darkest night

Commend. It's a word I say four times every day during night prayer. "Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit. Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit. You have redeemed us, Lord God of truth. I commend my spirit. Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit." And even though I say that word 28 times a week, I never gave the meaning of that word a second thought until I heard it in today's song, "I'm ready to commend my life. I'll follow through the darkest night." I thought, "commend? What's that word even really mean anyway?" So I looked it up!

Commend: to entrust; give in charge; deliver with confidence. Feudal Law. to place (oneself or one's land) under another's protection so as to become his vassal.

What I didn't realize before is that every night what I'm saying is that I'm entrusting my spirit with God. I'm giving myself totally to God and asking for His protection throughout the night. And when I sing along to the song, I'm saying I'm ready to give my life totally to God, even when the night is dark, and it's really hard to see, and really hard to follow Him, I'm still going to do it.

Dear God,
I'm ready to commend my life. It's getting kinda dark and hard to see you. But I'm here. I'm here trying to follow you through this very dark night. Please lead me.

Megan's prayer: By the Tree's "Invade my Soul"

It's time for me to speak aloud.

I was at dinner tonight with some friends. They were all discussing a friend that they knew who was recently engaged. Although I didn't know the friend, I tried to follow the conversation anyways. At one point, they all stated that they didn't like the fiance. As one of my friends put it, "He is conservative. And too Catholic." Wow.

Now, I realize these friends aren't practicing Catholics, but they were all raised Catholic. And they know that I still have a very strong faith. It seemed like a bit of a harsh comment.

In order to redeem their comment, and try to make them seem like they didn't hate all Catholics, I was told "Oh, he's an extreme Catholic.. not like you Megan. He's always trying to tell people what they should believe."

I guess for a minute this made me feel better. I'm not one to get in people's business and tell them exactly how they should live their life.... But then I got home, and listened to this song.

It's time for me to speak aloud.

I feel, now, like I should have stood up for this guy more. I should have stood up for my faith more, for myself. It's something I feel strongly about, and if these people who say they are my friends truly are my friends, they will accept me - "extreme Catholic" and all.

I pray that next time I have the courage to speak aloud.

Chris' prayer: By The Tree's "Invade My Soul"

I was just talking this evening with my small group about how I'm afraid to give up control, and that, when I don't have any control over a situation, it makes me nervous and anxious. And so here is this song tonight, proclaiming "Lord, take control." And that is such a prayer that I wish I could pray and every point in my life, and especially now. There are things that I just wish that I could get rid of, but for some reason always feel the need to hold onto.

So, like my church's music minister always says, "If you don't want to be with God right now, then maybe pray about how you want to want to be with Him." My prayer for tonight is this:

Lord, while I can't give up control of everything right now, I pray that you will take from me the desire to control everything. Open my mind just that little bit.

iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: By the Tree's "Invade my soul"

Give Him your burdens, cast your cares
He died for you, He'll always be there

I'm realizing I have a lot of burdens and cares that are not of the Lord's. As I was talking to my mom tonight I realized I have these confidence issues that are definitely not from the Lord. I need to release this to God and let Him invade my soul and help me start fresh and anew. Praise the Lord He is always there for me.

Katie's prayer: By the Tree's "Invade my Soul"

So the one thing I noticed about this song was how it so easily changed sounds. It starts off slow, speeds up, gets louder, and there's a random quiet really slow no drum very little guitar almost total a cappella part. As I noticed this, I realized that my faith life is kinda like that, at times more vibrant, more noticeable, and at other times - like that random quiet bit - my faith life almost disappears.

Recently, I hit that quiet bit. Maybe 1.5-2 weeks ago I stopped feeling God around me. I don't know why it stopped, but it did. I still prayed, and still did everything; hoping that feeling would come back. It didn't. It still hasn't. Last Thursday or Friday though, I almost totally gave up. I began to think: without that feeling that God's there, why bother praying? Why bother trying? It won't matter, I won't feel Him. I didn't want to blog on Thursday, I didn't blog at all on Friday, mainly cause I had no time to, but also because I didn't want to. Today was the first day since last Wednesday that I did morning prayer. In the past week, I've done night prayer maybe once or twice.

But today is a new day. And today is where that quiet part suddenly becomes the loud part again. Because today, I made up my mind to continue with the praying. Continue even though I don't feel God, continue even when I don't want to or feel pressure not to. That feeling of 'God is with me' is not important. The fact that I feel it or not feel it does not change the fact that God is there.

I'm coming back, coming back to You!

Megan's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Rejoice"

I was reading the book "The Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs today. In this book, he attempts to follow all of the rules or guidelines of the Bible literally for an entire year. It's quite interesting, and sometimes humorous, to hear of the things that he ends up doing.

One of the little rituals that Jacobs finds himself doing during the day is to constantly be saying "Thank you." Whether it's to the people around him, or giving thanks to God for the things happening in his life. He claims that saying "thank you" almost becomes an obsession of his.

While I was reading this, I was trying to decide if this is a bad thing. While it may get a bit tiresome to hear someone *constantly* saying "thank you" throughout the day, I feel like it would help remind me of just how blessed I am. Too often I forget to say "thank you" for the little things I take for granted.

Similarly tonight, Tomlin says "again I say rejoice." Rejoicing weekly at Mass isn't enough. Rejoicing should be a constant thing, something that we find our self doing constantly, not just when someone reminds us to say it again.

Chris' prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Rejoice"

Today was not a good day for me. Just coming off of a wonderful trip, I was happy to have zero stress. But that didn't last at all. My car is acting up, and I feel lucky just to make it home tonight without it overheating and being stranded on the side of the highway. I spent the better part of my evening absolutely consumed by stress, worrying about how I was going to get to work, or pay for the repairs, or pay for an entirely new (at least to me) car. A day removed from the trip, and my stress level is higher than ever.

In the midst of this, though, I discovered exactly what I have to do to take the next step in my relationship with God. If I want to deepen that, to more fully rely on Him, the ultimate act would be to surrender this over to Him. To run the risk of not being able to get to work, or not be able to afford the repair bills or the cost of a new car, and just trust Him with that. If I was able to do that, I feel like I could turn [my] sorrow into singing.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Rejoice"

Only You can satisfy

So often I think "If only I could do this..." or "If only I had this..." and THEN I would be satisfied. But that isn't true. It's a downfall of humans to think we'll be satisfied when we get more money or when we get married or when we're done with school...the list goes on. The only time I feel satisfied, though, is when I'm close to the Lord and following Him. And I just pray that I can continue to realize that is how I will be satisfied and the only way.

Katie's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Rejoice"

See the morning, see it rising
Over the mountains high
See the mercy in the mighty hand of God

For some reason, the past few days it's been really hard to wake up. I've been wanting a little more sleep. 'Just a little more!' I tell myself as I hit that snooze button again and again and again. Instead of telling myself it's another beautiful day that God made just for me, I've been telling myself it's another day, another day I have to get up out of bed and do stuff when I'd rather be sleeping. Maybe it's cause I haven't said morning prayer since Wednesday! ahh! It's been almost a week! I pray that God might help me tomorrow to:

Turn [my] sorrow into singing
The song of life
Rejoice, Rejoice

Megan's prayer: Newsboys' "It is You"

Sometimes, at the end of a song at church, the pianist will stop playing, and just let the congregation finish out the song without any musical accompaniment. This is one of the best moments. I love hearing the voices of those around me, joining me in praising God. I love that, even if I'm singing as loud as possible, others around me drown me out.

As much as I love singing, it is just as wonderful to listen to the church during this time. Normally, first and foremost, I'm able to hear the person next to me singing loudly. But once I listen a little closer, I can hear distinct, recognizable voices of the teens who sit around me. It's wonderful to all praise God together.

What I loved most about this song wasn't necessarily the music, but the fact that it was a whole group singing together. Yes, the main singer was more noticable at first, but I was slowly able to hear the others in the background. It was all of them, together, that made the song beautiful.

I can't get through life all on my own. I rely on others to help me, to build me up. It is by joining together with others that I am able to praise God with all my heart.

Chris' prayer: Newsboys' "It is You"

Wow, it has been forever since I have heard this song. And, similarly, it has been seemingly forever since I've been able to blog. But just like an old friend who returns without anything changing, this song, and my blogging, return, bringing the promise of growth and comfort.

It is good to be back, to praise Him again.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Newsboys' "It is You"

When I was 16 I had the opportunity to be a "reporter" at a Christian music festival. I had been interning at a small Christian paper and when the owner heard I was going to be attending this festival, she gave me special media passes for certain shows, which included a Newsboys show one night. This song reminds me of that time. When the song goes, "will you meet us here?" the answer is YES. As I stood there, at first it was all about seeing the lead singer's bald head up close or the guitarist and his long dreads, but as I lifted up my hands and really sang my guts out, it was about Jesus. And when I reached out to Him, He met me there. And that is such a good feeling to know that Jesus IS real and He WILL meet us where we are when we truly try. Every day I want to remember this and fall more in love with Him.

Katie's prayer: Newsboys' "It is You"

As we lift up our hands
Will You meet us here?
As we call on Your name
Will You meet us here?

One thing that struck out to me about this song was the question: 'Will You meet us here?' Not believing God will be there, but instead questioning, 'Will You be there?' I think I go through that sometimes in my own life. Asking in a somewhat desperate voice, 'God, will you be there?' 'God, I'm here trying to worship You, are you here?' 'God I'm going to adoration tomorrow, will you be there?' 'I'm here God, where are you?' Instead of just trusting in the fact that God is everywhere, I question.

Megan's prayer: Third Day's "These Thousand Hills"

I knew this week was going to be busy, so I made a plan to keep myself organized. I wanted to spend my free time studying for my midterm I had today, and I wanted to catch up on some sleep.

I thought this would be easier accomplished if I stayed at home, instead of my apartment, so I could save driving time.

But those precious hours I had set aside to sleep and study didn't happen. Instead, I found myself hanging out in my dad's office while he worked, petting my dog. Or talking to my mom while she got ready for work in the morning. Or staying up until 2am with my siblings, talking about how work had been that night.

It was great to be home. It was great to have that quality time with my family that I feel like I miss out on cause of school and work sometimes.

I feel like my love for my home here on earth will be exceeded by my love for my home in heaven. Tonight's song made me feel so peaceful, so excited to spend every day with God.

When heaven's hills at last I roam
Forever settle in my home

Katie's prayer: Newsong's "All Around the World"

When I was in middle school, there was a girl in our class we thought was the next Mary. She got all A's, was really quiet so we never really got to know her. We thought she was perfect, sinless, going to give birth to the next Jesus. After middle school, I got to know her a little better, realized she isn't perfect, she isn't sinless, and most likely isn't going to give birth to the next Jesus.

But the possibility is still there. Jesus could really come back to earth anytime He wants! Or He could take me from this earth anytime he wants! I had a teacher that once said "America is the only country that believes death is avoidable." It's true. It's stupid, but it's true.

I've been reading recently about Charles Untz, a young man who died a few years back, who many to believe a saint. Here's a quote from one of the things I read from his website:

Speaking about usual teenage issues and events that seem to tire and drain one spiritually, he states, "Don't let yourself get caught up in that never ending cycle. Keep in mind that Heaven is the ultimate goal of life, all other goals and things should be directed in attaining it." Charles loved life, but he understood his goal! He once said, "I'd rather be in heaven than spend one more day on this earth."

So here's the point of all my random musings:
The end of the world could come at anytime. Death is not avoidable at all, but that isn't a bad thing. Death = life in Heaven with God. But until that time when death comes (and it will come) we should (I mean I should) be treating everyday as if it were the last.

All around the world
Can't you hear creation calling
Make way the Savior's coming

Jen's prayer: Newsong's "All around the world"

I was gonna try to not copy the same line as Megan, but it's a good one. So too bad.

So let us not becoming entangled by the trappings of this world

The Bible tells us to always be ready for Jesus to return. You never know when you might die, or when Jesus will decide, "Hey, let's just take all my pals up to heaven now." (Apparently Jesus is talking to children or something.) But anyways, it is hard to always be ready, anxiously awaiting for Jesus' return if you're entangled with the world.

I think right now I'm trying to learn what that balance is between being IN the world and not OF the world. How do you connect with people and show them Christ's love without being so much like them...but you can't be such a nun that people don't want to be around you either, ya know? It's something I think I need to pray about more.

And that line is also a good reminder that this worldly stuff that bothers me is simply that: worldly. I should be more concerned about becoming more like Jesus.

Megan's prayer: NewSong's "All Around the World"

So let us not becoming entangled by the trappings of this world

I get so hung-up on things that shouldn't matter all that much. These things cause me to struggle in my faith sometimes.

Dear Lord, help me to not get caught up in the pointless things of my life. Help me stay focused.

Megan's prayer: Steve Angrisano's "Sweet Redeemer"

I'm not very good at living out the phrase "Offer it up". I tend to complain, wanting others to feel sorry for me. It's not really an attractive quality - I would like it to be differ, I am trying for that to be different.

Tonight I could sit here, praying, and complain to God about my day, a day that didn't really turn out great. Instead, I'm going to do what the lyrics say.

I surrender all I am to you.

All of my stress, all of my bad day, all of the things that are preoccupying my mind right now - I surrender them all to my God.

I pray that tomorrow I can continue to surrender it all to God. I also pray that I'll be able to surrender all the good along with surrendering the bad.

Jen's prayer: Steve Angrisano's "Sweed Redeemer"

The word that stuck out to me in this song was "ALL."

I surrender all I am to you

How often do I give Jesus parts of my life and not ALL of them? Jesus, you can have my job and my family, but I'd like to choose which friends I have and the fun stuff. Don't get into that area, okay? But Jesus gave ALL of him for me, so why wouldn't I give up all to Him?

It's so simple to say. So hard to live.

Katie's prayer: Steve Angrisano's "Sweet Redeemer"

I had my first official interview for a Youth Minister position last night. As I was lying in bed, all I could think about were the places I messed up. The times when I should have said something different, where I could have added more, where I didn't show my personality or knowledge as much as I should have. I kept replaying the interview in my mind, but with all these changes I feel I should have made. After a while of all this thinking and role playing, I realized it was all pointless. It doesn't matter that I might dream it went another way. It doesn't matter what I would change now. The past is the past and there is nothing about that interview I can change. Nothing I can do to make them like me any more or any less. Nothing more I can do to have a better chance of getting that job. I guess there's nothing more left to do then, but surrender it all to Jesus. Leave all my worries, fears, and hopes in His hands.

Sweet Redeemer, I surrender all I am to you.

Katie's prayer: Sean McConnell's "Madly in Love with You"

So I'm actually writing this blog on Wednesday morning. I'm a failure I know. But it's not my fault. My internet was completely down the whole day! But I think it's a good thing that I wasn't able to write until today because of the end of morning prayer this morning.

Lord, as daylight fills the sky, fill us with your holy light. May our lives mirror our love for you whose wisdom has brought us into being, and whose care guides us on our way.

It just reminded me so much of the lyrics for this song

Every morning sunrise says I'm madly in love with you.

Sunrise marks the beginning of a new day. How awesome is it that God sends us a new day. A time to start again. Another chance to be better. Another chance to be more like him. Another chance for us to realize just how much he loves us and wants to be with us!

Megan's prayer: Sean McConnell's "Madly in Love with You"

Someday you'll understand

I feel like I was told this a lot as a kid. During those times, I just had to trust in the person saying it to me. I had to trust that they knew better, and that even though I didn't know the reason behind things, they wouldn't lead me astray.

I feel like my relationship with God is constantly like this. I'm having to trust in him, without knowing the full meaning or reason behind what I'm doing.

I have a hard time with this trust sometime. I have a hard time not knowing the reasoning behind what I'm being asked to do.

I think with a little more trust in God, and knowing that he knows what's best for me, I'd be able to serve him better instead of always questioning him.

Jen's prayer: Sean McConnell's "Madly in Love with You"

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you

I love songs like this...where it's like I'm hearing what Jesus is saying down to us. I'm pretty sure Jesus has been saying similar things to me today as the verses above. He's telling me what to do and saying, "Jen, don't lose faith in me. I've got this. I know it's hard because you can't see Me, but I'm here and I'm showing you the signs that I love you." I just have to open up my heart to see it and believe. Tonight I pray that I would open my heart to feel the Lord's love.

Megan's prayer: Veggie Tales' "My Day"

Your love was with me all throughout the day.

Today was the first day since the start of our relationship 11 months ago that I did not have the opportunity to talk to Chris. I knew, going into this week where he would be gone on vacation, that we wouldn't have the chance to talk, but that didn't make it any easier. A dozen times through the day I wanted to text him to see how he was doing, to tell him about my day, but I knew it wouldn't matter - he wasn't bringing his cell phone with him.

Even though I didn't have the chance to tell him how much I care about him today, or to hear from him that he loved me, it didn't change how I feel. I was still able to know how much he loves me. I was able to think about all the things in our relationship that clearly lead to the fact that he loves me. Just because I didn't hear those specific words, doesn't change the reality that I am loved. His love was really with me all throughout the day.

I feel like this same thought can be applied to God's love for me. So often I wish that I could hear it directly from God, or experience it in some obvious way - in a way that leaves me with no doubt that I am truly loved... but this isn't the daily routine. I don't hear God's booming voice every day say "I LOVE YOU". It is those times that I need to work on looking around me, looking at all the blessings in my life, and coming to my own realization that God loves me. He is always there, always thinking about how much he loves me. His love is truly with me all throughout the day.

Jen's prayer: Veggie Tales' "My Day"

You know, it makes a big difference in my day if I pray right when I wake up. While on vacation I woke up tired and cranky. I realized I was snapping off to my parents so after I got out of the shower I said to my mom, "I'm done being cranky." And she was like, "You must have been praying in the shower." And I had. I had been telling God my issues and realizing it wasn't a big deal.
It's true that you understand that God's love is with you all throughout the day, if you begin it with a friendly hello to our Father up above. That way, no matter what happens I know that God is there and he loves me. And the silly things, like singing out of tune, no longer matter.

Katie's prayer: Veggie Tales' "My Day"

Junior Asparagus and I are quite a bit alike. Right before bed, we both sit in our beds and tell God about our days. The good parts, the bad parts, all of it, I let God know about my day and how I think it went.

But lately, I think I've been doing more complaining. Ignoring the good parts of my day, and telling God only about the bad. Or really, telling God about the things that did not go the way I wanted them to. So in my mind, the bad. But as I have to keep reminding myself: God's plan is much better than anything I could have planned, because he loves me a whole bunch. But instead of being like Junior and "rest in knowing: God loves me" I become restless from all the things "wrong" with my life. Maybe if I focused more on God's love for me and God's all-loving plan for me, I might get better sleep.

Katie's prayer: Big Daddy Weave's "Just the way I am"

Not when I’m good enough
Not when I clean my act up
Not when I cross that line the thousandth time
And become a better man
Your grace is more than enough
To cover all my sins You washed them away
So right here today
You love me just the way I am

I feel like sometimes I focus too much on on how unworthy I am, on my sinfulness, and on my need to somehow figure something out about myself or put myself in a better situation before I meet God in my life. And this is what's holding me back from him so much. Today's song reminds me that I don't need to fix myself to come before God. God loves me just the way I am! He wants me to come to him, no matter what. He doesn't want me to sin, but he still loves me even when I do.

Chris' prayer: Big Daddy Weave's "Just the Way I Am"

You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am

I'm not sure I could every possibly hear this message enough. In a culture where we learn that love has to be earned, and that we are only worth what we have done for people, the repetition in the refrain drills into my head that I am loved. I am loved not for what I've done, and, in fact, often times in spite of what I've done.

I need the constant reminder that there is nothing I could possibly do to make my Father love me any less. And, despite how I act other times, there is nothing I could possibly do to make Him love me more. He is holy, and His love is perfect.


iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Big Daddy Weave's "Just the Way I Am"

You love in spite of everything I do.

I try. I really do try to live a life that my God would be proud of. I try to show his love to every person I meet, but sometimes I make mistakes. Yet, in the end, God still loves me. No matter what happens, he loves me.

Knowing of this perfect love, this constant forgiveness, sometimes makes it harder to constantly choose the right path. Sometimes I fall and follow the "act now, ask for forgiveness later" style.

I pray that God will help me to choose the right path, the road that continues to lead me to Him.

Megan's prayer: Matt Maher's "You are the Lord"

Given into a world of lies.

Too many people have given into the lie that love = sex; and sex = happiness. Too many people think that this is the only way of life.

The prayer that is on my heart tonight is that God can show these people what true love really is; what love can do.

Chris' prayer: Matt Maher's "You are the Lord"

You gave me a title,
although I didn't know You

I always find it interesting when someone knows of me or knows who I am, but I don't know the person. It gets my mind moving and I think, "How do they know me? Have I met them before and just don't remember them? Do they know me through church, or work, or perhaps another friend? What do they know about me? Is it good stuff? What are they saying about me? What title have they given me?"

In this case, the answers to those questions are:
1.) He made me
2.) Yes, in a way
3.) Hopefully through all three
4.) Everything
5.) Some of it
6.) That He loves me
7.) "Son"


iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Matt Maher's "You are the Lord"

The lame shall walk,
and the blind will see
I know You want my heart.

There is a program in our diocese called Totus Tuus, it's kinda like vacation bible school, only cooler. There's a program for 1-6 grade in the day, and 7-12 grade at night. This week, it has been at St. Gabriel's, a parish I sometimes attend and help with lifeteen. So I knew the teens, I knew the Totus Tuus team cause I helped with their training weekend. So I went out there a few days to help out. Totally fun, and totally reminds me of Covecrest. But anyways, on to the point for this post... (:

Tuesday night, there was a confession talk followed by adoration/confession. In this talk, Becca mentioned that when Jesus was around, he would heal people spiritually as well as physically. He would cure their illness (lame, blind, whatever) but he would also say, "your sins are forgiven, go and sin no more." So he healed their sins as well. How cool! Then there was more awesome things said about confession.

Confession is one of those things I've always had trouble with. I never liked it. (well, who really likes it?!) ok, so I hated it! I don't say hate about many things, but it fits here. I've gotten better about going, even when there's no one there to push me. But I still don't go as often as I should (cause I'm a big sinner, we all are). I actually didn't go Tuesday night. In my mind I was thinking I needed that one on one time with Jesus in adoration more, and this Sunday we're going to this mass/adoration/confession/procession thing, and I could go then. But I was reading today this thing is open to both diocese, and advertised in the Catholic Key, so I might not even get to go cause there will be so many people. Right now, I'm kinda wishing I went on Tuesday, I want to "walk" and "see" again. And more importantly, that's what God wants for me too. I just pray there will be enough priests.

Megan's prayer: MercyMe's "Homesick"

I've never been more homesick than now.

One lonely night, while attending school at University of Dayton, I found myself extremely homesick. While I was homesick quite often, this particular evening was one of the worst. My friends and roommates weren't around, and there was no one available online to distract me.

As I sat at my computer, reading all of the away messages of my AIM friends, who all seemed to have more exciting lives than I did at that moment, I ran across this song. I don't remember if it was just the name, or if it was some of the lyrics... but I instantly YouTubed it. I fell in love with the song. That night alone, I probably listened to it a dozen times, followed by countless times throughout the next semesters at Dayton.

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow.

This became my prayer. I prayed for strength to get me through my homesickness. I prayed for strength to see the good that was coming out of being away from home. I prayed that, at some point, I would view Dayton as my home.

Dayton never became my home. What God did provide me was the strength to make the decision to finally come back home to St. Louis. This song, and that prayer in particular, helped me be less homesick.

While I'm not homesick anymore, hearing this song reminds me of just how wonderful God is, and how although he may not answer the prayers the way I *think* he should, he knows what is best for me.

Chris' prayer: MercyMe's "Homesick"

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I miss you, Mom. Especially now.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: MercyMe's "Homesick"

I love this song! It's in the top 25 of the most songs played on my itunes. (And after listening to it non-stop for a while for this, I'm sure it will be moving up.) The one line that ALWAYS sticks out to me, every time I hear it, is:

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

I'm always trying to figure God out and trying to figure out God's plan for my life. Sometimes I wish it would be really easy, and we'd just get this book telling us roughly what's going to happen. I want to know! But then I begin to wonder, would knowing what's going to happen make it any less emotional? Would the knowledge that this person's going to break up with me make the pain any less? Would the knowledge that I'm going to get this job make the joy any more? Probably not. So then what's the point of finding out everything now? Satisfying my own curiosity? That will happen with time, and like I was talking about yesterday, sometimes unexpected is good.

Jen's prayer: Mercy Me's "Homesick"

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

This is a sweet song about being homesick for heaven. I know I especially feel like this when things on this earth just don't make since. As believers, we are called to not be of this world. And when we try to follow God and not be like this world, that's when I get confused. Lately I've been praying that God gives me clarity on what HE wants for me, because I certainly am not understanding things on my own.

Megan's prayer: John David Webster's "Miracle"

I hear you in the sound of the ocean's tide.

I love taking vacations with my family to the beach. A week of relaxing, spending time with my family, and not really worrying about anything.

One of my favorite things to do is sit out on the balcony at night, and listen to the waves. It's so wonderfully relaxing, and it's very sobering because I realize just how big the world is around me. I enjoy taking that time to think about my life, and how each day really is a miracle.

I'm in need of this again. I need to re-realize (is that a word?) just how big God is... and just how much of a miracle each day is.

Katie's prayer: John David Webster's "Miracle"

Sometimes, things are not what you expect.

I knew my day would be completely full, there would be almost no time to even listen to the song, much less, pray it. The only time I had was an hour in my car, split into two segments, one segment at 7am, the second at 10pm. I decided I would read the lyrics before heading off this morning, since reading lyrics and driving at the same time, not a good idea. I read through the lyrics a few times and pray them a little, already forming a prayer in my head, without even listening to the song.

So I get in my car, hook up my ipod to play nothing but today's song for my morning journey. Thoughts start going through my head about the song, "Hey, I like this beat, it's nice. Nice vocal range, something I might be able to sing along to easily. Nice lyrics too. Wait a second, I don't remember reading that." I get to a stop sign, pull out my ipod and sure enough, the lyrics I'm reading are NOT the lyrics being sung! Completely unexpected.

Such is life for me right now. As much as I'd love to blog about the lyrics of today's song cause they are amazing, I think my prayer for today is really the unexpectedness I'm facing right now. Within the past week, I've realized a few things about my life. And I re-realized them tonight at adoration. There are a select few things in my life that did not and are not going to turn out like I expected. I'm still having a little bit of trouble with that. But I hope and I pray, that this life unexpectedness is like the unexpectedness from this morning, changing my life for the better. While a little surprising to begin with, it was better the lyrics I read were not the lyrics sung. I prayed two songs today, a day when I thought I'd have time for none. My life is better because of that unexpectedness.

Chris' prayer: John David Webster's "Miracle"

And then it takes my breath away

I'm ready for this. I'm ready to see God's miracle in my life. I want to see His presence in the sun, the water, the wind. I want to be overwhelmed by His Love for me, because it has been too long. I'm here, Lord, and I'm asking you to take my breath away.


iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Jill Phillips' "I am"

I am peace that shatters all your secret fears

I enjoy joking and being sarcastic 92% of the time. I was the class clown in grade school, and even though I became a little more shy in high school and college, it's still pretty clear to everyone that I enjoy joking around.

The 8% of the time that I don't enjoy it is when I want to have a meaningful conversation with someone. Because I'm joking around so often, it's hard to sit down and be serious. Sometimes I used the joking to cover up my fears.

Attending life teen during high school helped me with this problem. I didn't know most of the people in the group, so I had a chance to be something other than just a "jokester" with them. At life nights, I felt peaceful. I found myself able to have deep conversations, where I shared my fears, with people that I didn't know all that well.

I pray, tonight, that God continues to give me that peace that allows me to talk about my fears with others. I pray that when others look at me, they see more than just my sarcasm and my jokes, but also see God's love and peace.

Chris' prayer: Jill Phillips' "I Am"

When I was younger, my dad said to me and my sisters, "You are all closer to your mother than you are to me," and, if I'm being honest, it is probably true. While I was growing up, Dad was the bread winner. While he didn't work a ton of hours, the hours he did work were strange enough that he was in bed early, and out the door before we'd even dreamed of awaking. My mother, meanwhile, reared me and my sisters. She poured the milk in our cereal, packed our lunches, picked us up from school, and cooked dinner. These two different roles that my parents played pretty much assured that we would be closer to her than we were to him. The price of putting food on the table for his family, I suppose.

I'm not sure I have ever pictured God as a mother, but that is precisely the image this song is evoking in me, not only because of the line directly comparing God to a mother, but because the whole song feels like a lullaby, sung by a mother to her child. The softness of the lyrics, and the softness of Phillips' voice, along with the pace of the song remind me so much of my mother's demeanor: constant, near, peaceful, wise.


iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Jill Philips' "I am"

This morning I was having somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I wasn't quite sure what to do so I decided to see what today's song was. What a comfort to read those lyrics:

I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

It is so good to know that Jesus is there for me. He knows my heart's desires. He isn't ignoring what I want...He just knows better than I do on what I truly need. I am learning a lot right now about patience and waiting. I have a lot of unknowns in my life and I'm learning how to walk by faith, not by sight. It's scary, but I am glad Jesus is the peace that shatters all my fears.

Katie's prayer: Jill Phillips' "I am"

Drop that heavy load you hold 'cause Mine is light.

Today's song (well, really this line) reminded me of a story I recently read in the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. It's kinda a long story, but I have to put it here so y'all might understand fully my prayer for today. Plus it's a great story. (I'll try to cut it down some) (:

The story is told of a man who met God in a lovely valley one day. "How are you this morning?" God asked the fellow. "I'm fine, thank you." the man replied. "Is there anything I can do for you today?" "Yes there is," God said. "I have a wagon with three stones in it, and I need someone to pull it up the hill for me. Are you willing?" "Yes, I'd love to do something for you. Those stones don't look very heavy, and the wagon's in good shape. I'd be happy to do that. Where would you like me to take it?" God gave the man specific instructions, sketching a map in the dust at the side of the road. "Go through the woods and up the road that winds up the side of the hill. Once you get to the top, just leave the wagon there. Thank you for your willingness to help me today." "No problem!" the man replied and set off cheerfully.

The wagon pulled a big behind him, but the burden was an easy one. He began to whistle as he walked quickly through the forest. The sun peeked through the trees and warmed his back. What a joy to be able to help the Lord, he thought, enjoying the beautiful day. Just around the third bed, he walked into a small village. People smiled and greeted him. Then, at the last house, a man stopped him and asked, "How are you this morning? What a nice wagon you have. Where are you off to?" "Well, God gave me a job this morning. I'm delivering these three stones to the top of the hill." "My goodness! Can you believe it? I was just praying this morning about how I was going to get this rock I have up to the top of the mountain," the man told him with great excitement. "You don't suppose you could take it up there for me? It would be such an answer to prayer." The man with the wagon smiled and said, "Of course. I don't supposed God would mind. Just put it behind the other three stones." Then he set off with three stones and a rock rolling behind him.

The wagon seemed a bit heavier. He could feel the jolt of each bump, and the wagon seemed to pull to one side a bit. The man stopped to adjust the load as he sang a hymn of praise, pleased to be helping out a brother as he served God. Then he set off again and soon reached another small village at the side of the road. A good friend lived there and offered him a glass of cider. "You're going to the top of the hill?" his oldest friend asked. "Yes! I am so excited. Can you imagine, God gave me something to do!" "Hey!" said his friend. "I need this bag of pebbles taken up. I've been so worried that it might not get taken care of since I haven't any time to do it myself. But you could fit it in right between the three stones here in the middle." With that, he placed his burden in the wagon. "Shouldn't be a problem" the man said. "I think I can handle it." He finished the cider, then stood up and brushed his hands on his overalls before gripping the handle of the wagon. He waved good-bye and began to pull the wagon back onto the road.

The wagon was definitely tugging on his arm now, but it wasn't uncomfortable. As he started up the incline, he began to to feel the weight of the three stones, the rock, and the pebbles. Still, it felt good to help a friend. Surely God would be proud of how energetic and helpful he'd been. One little stop followed another, and the wagon grew fuller and fuller. The sun was hot above the man pulling it, and his shoulders ached with the strain. The songs of praise and thanksgiving that had filled his heard had long since left his lips as resentment began to build inside. Surely this wasn't what he had signed up for that morning. God had given him a burden heavier than he could bear.

The wagon felt huge and awkward as it lumbered and swayed over the ruts in the road. Frustrated, the man was beginning to have visions of giving up and letting the wagon roll backward. God was playing a cruel game with him. The wagon lurched, and the load of obligations collided with the back of his legs leaving bruises. "This is it!" he fumed. "God can't expect me to haul this all the way up the mountain." "Oh God," he wailed."This is too hard for me! I though you were behind this trip, but I am overcome by the heaviness of it. You'll have to get someone else to do it. I'm just not strong enough."

As he prayed, God came to his side. "Sounds like you're having a hard time. What's the problem?" "You gave me a job that is too hard for me," the man sobbed."I'm just not up to it! God walked over to where the wagon was braced with a stone. "What is this?" He held up the bag of pebbles. "That belongs to John, my good friend. He didn't have time to bring it up himself. I thought I would help."

{God unloads the wagon....}

"If you will be content to let others take their own burdens," God told him, "I will help you with your task." "But I promised I would help! I can't leave these things lying here." "Let others shoulder their own belongings," God said gently. "I know you were trying to help, but when you are weighted down with all these cares, you cannot do what I have asked of you." The man jumped to his feet, suddenly realizing the freedom God was offering. "You mean I only have to take the three stones after all?" he asked. "That is what I asked you to do." God smiled. "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. I will never ask you to carry more than you can bear."

I feel like I'm a lot like this man often. I mean, just yesterday, the Totus Tuus team told me of two things they needed - copies of night prayer and yarn in various colors - I immediately thought I'd be the one to make the copies, buy the yarn, and drive a half hour one-way to deliver these items to the team, in addition to the other tasks already on my plate for today. I easily become a control freak and think if I don't do it, it won't get done properly, it won't be done in the best way, it might not even get done at all, so I have to do it! Do it all! I think God's trying to send me a subtle message with that story and today's song that I don't have to do it all. It is possible to say no. (:

Megan's prayer: Jars of Clay's "I'm Alright"

I'm alright...

I say this so often. When I'm having a bad day, I'll tell others "I'm alright." When I'm having a great day, I'll tell others "I'm alright." I don't know why I'm so secretive. It's like I'm either trying to hold in the bad so that I don't bring others down, or I'm trying to keep all of my happiness for myself cause I'm too selfish to share it.

I think God just wants us to be honest with him. He knows it all anyways. But being able to pray to God, to really tell him what's going on, to fight with him, or just share my pure joy with him... Being myself, 100%, is what will help me grow to have a deeper relationship with my God.

Jen's prayer: Jars of Clay's "I'm alright"

And I can't see the view from the eyes you look at me through

Which is unfortunate, because I'd really like to be able to see through God's eyes right now. I'm not alright. I need some clarity on what God is wanting in my life right now. And that is simply my prayer tonight:

Let me see through your eyes, Father. Give me clarity.

Chris' prayer: Jars of Clay's "I'm Alright"

I've never been the saint you wanted me to turn to

One of the things I struggle with the most as a youth minister is when teens don't buy into what is going on, when they don't invest themselves into the event or activity. The other night, for instance, we were having open gym and playing dodgeball when some of the upperclassmen decided that goofing off and playing dodgeball was beneath them. In fact, they would rather not even be there than sit and watch what was going on, leaving me and the underclassmen. As they left, one of them looked at me, and gave me this glance that said, "Heh. Have fun with whatever that is, going on over there." They wanted no part of it.

It bothers me because buying into what is going on is so important for the benefit of everyone. If these upperclassmen think it is okay to be too good for an activity, then they are showing tomorrow's upperclassmen that they can be, too. But if everyone buys into what we're doing, we can all have fun.

It is these times when I have to remind myself that these teens are who they are. They aren't who I want them to be, or who I expect them to be, or who I'd like them to be. They are who they are and they will do the things they do. Sometimes, their choices may disappoint me, but they are their choices, and sometimes they aren't going to make the mature, responsible, good-for-everyone choice.

And I can't see the view from the eyes you look at me through

And once I'm able to remind myself that they are who they are- that is, that they are a child of God- I can get back to loving them for who they are. I can return to looking at them through the eyes of Jesus, who loves them without fail.


iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Jars of Clay's "I'm Alright"

"I'm alright." It's a phrase I use quite often. To some people, it's a positive answer, not for me. It's not quite negative, but definitely more negative than positive. It's the type of thing you say when someone asks you how you are and things suck but you don't want to explain why, or you don't want people to know about the suckiness, so you say "I'm alright." And even though that's the real meaning behind that phrase when I say it, I somehow trick myself into thinking things really are ok, just by saying that. Does that make sense? In trying to hide the sucky parts of my life from others, I also hide it from myself. I begin to think things are ok, that yeah, this part of my life may not be so great, I may not like this part, but it's ok, that's how it's supposed to be, it's ok that this isn't perfect. I don't really need to try and fix this part of me.

I could be so foolish thinkin' I'm alright.

Within this past week, actually, I began to work on that. Working on telling myself "even though I say it's alright, it's not." What a great song to come along at the end of the week to remind me to keep it up throughout the weekend!

Megan's prayer: Falling Up's "New Hope Generation"

It has definitely been an adventure working with high school teens each Sunday with the lifeteen program. Although they are only a few years younger than me, I still see them as an entirely different generation than I am in.

Some of the times, it can be frustrating to work with the teens. They may not be into the night - they would rather just goof off. Sometimes I feel like just giving up.

Other times I will be completely overwhelmed by a teen, and by their love for God. I'll be amazed by the thoughts and questions they have, and they help me grow deeper in my own faith.

Although I'm the older person in these relationships, sometimes I end up being the one who learns more. I'm grateful for the teens... and although they may enjoy joking around, I really do have hope for the new generation.

Jen's prayer: Falling Up's "New Hope Generation"

Hope is there it is waiting it is real

I was once close with a person who did not have hope. It wasn't until things got very bad that things changed in this person's life and then supposedly this person had hope. I wish I could believe this person. However, hope isn't REAL without the love of Christ. And the only way to have that hope is to open up our arms to Christ.

Just hold him close he won't ever let you go

Hope is knowing that Jesus will never let us go. We always have something to live for knowing that.

Chris' prayer: Falling Up's "New Hope Generation"

I've been here before, it's all I've ever known

In a week and a half, I will be leaving St. Louis for Ely, Minnesota, to paddle my way around the Boundary Waters Canoe Area for nearly a week. I'm really excited and at the same time, scared. It is going to be an amazing experience and one that I will not likely ever forget, but, as it is something I've never done before, there are a lot of unsuredness about it. It doesn't help that my friend has been the one doing all the planning for the trip- he is the one with the expectations, the ideas, the plan...I am just flying by the seat of my pants.

That is also part of the reason I cannot wait. It is something I've never done before and something that is far from everything I've ever known. I'll get to spend 6 nights in God's beautiful wilderness, under a sky full of a million stars, without any distractions that accompany all I've ever known. It is going to be incredible and I am so ready for something new.

Bring. It. On.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Falling Up's "New Hope Generation"

See the Messiah rise in these places

Recently, I've been forgetting that it's all about God, not me. My prayers have turned from "This is what I want, God, is that what you want to? Is that what I should do?" to "This is what I want, God, please make it happen!" Not with everything in my life, just on my job situation and my relationship with a boy. But at the moment, those are the two main parts of my life. I needed to be reminded. Reminded to invite God into my problems. Ask God for the solution, instead of coming up with one on my own and asking God to help me fulfill that solution. Luckily, today's song did just that. It's time for God's presence in those problems to rise, again.

Open arms let your spirit pour

Jen's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Weighed Down"

And are we illuminating?

I was talking to a friend tonight about how important it is for us to be a light to others. It's so easy for us to be in our bubbles and be with the same, like minded people all the time. We get in our comfort zones. At least I do. Maybe it's different for you. But when I read these lyrics that's what really stuck out to me, "Are we illuminating?" Jesus should be shining bright in us. And if that isn't what's going on, why not? What is weighing us down? That's something I'm going to be thinking about tonight and into tomorrow.

Megan's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Weighed Down"

I had so many prayers in my heart throughout the day. So many different things that I needed to talk to God about. Prayers asking for forgiveness, prayers of thanksgivings, and all sorts of other things I needed to talk to him about.

I had the opportunity to attend adoration tonight. In a very short hour and a half, I was able to talk to God about all of these things. I went into the night feeling weighed down, but a weight was definitely lifted during adoration.

Chris' prayer: Jars of Clay's "Weighed Down"

Our hearts … moved on by winds of everything

I know that this is certainly true in my life. My heart will be captured by something and I'll be so excited about it and so into it and ready to give my all to it, and the next moment, something else comes along and steals it away. My attention and effort turns to that thing until it is ultimately stolen away by yet another "passion." Anything and everything can grab my heart, my attention, but very few things can hold it for any length of time.

Unfortunately, my spirituality isn't as much one of those "few things" as I would like it to be. I am always conscious of my faith, and how it is going, and I really never feel like abandoning it, but if I took a look at my choices, and particularly my effort, I know I could tell when I was distracted by something else going on. I keep waiting for Jesus to grab my heart and not let go, failing to realize that I'm really the one who decides where it stays. I need to work on that.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Weighted Down"

I've gotten into this habit of listening to the song of day throughout my entire day, beginning by listening to it non-stop during my shower. It's a great time to be alone with me, my thoughts, my prayers, and the song for the day. The only down side is that I can't really look at the lyrics. Normally, that isn't a problem, today was different. I couldn't understand a thing except for the 4 "weighted down"s at the end. Everything else sounded like just mumbling.

So whilst taking my shower and not understanding a thing being said, I began to think that was very relevant to my life right now. God has closed a few doors for me, but also opened more. In the past when it was time to make big decisions, I'd ask God for his advice, and my reply would be a big neon flashing sign "do this!" Not the case right now. All I'm hearing is "youth ministry." Ok God, how do you want me to fulfill that? Where am I supposed to do this youth ministry? The answer: mumbling. I'm starting to get worried God's not going to let me in on the secret of my life. God's kinda in a way abandoning me.

As I'm formulating this thought more, it's time to exit the shower. I turn off the water and suddenly, I understand every word being said. I hear it all! No more mumbling. And I realize, God's not abandoning me. God's not mumbling the answers to my questions. I just hear mumbling because of all the noise around me. I'm not focusing solely on God. I'm allowing the pressures and deadlines and issues of the world around me to cloud the voice of God who's telling me exactly what to do.

Chris' prayer: Andy Cloninger's "Great is the Lord in Zion"

Each Tuesday, I spend an hour of my day with Jesus in Adoration, usually reading something spiritual. Today's spiritual reading was Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan and Danae Yankoski. I didn't make it too far into the book, but what I did read about was pretty good. The authors spoke about how only God is "holy," which means "spiritually and morally perfect," and that all holy things come from Him. And for that, we are to worship Him.

Tonight's song echos that sentiment:

He is exalted over all the nations
Let them praise Your great and awesome name
We sing Holy, We sing Holy, We sing Holy
Is Your great and awesome name

iTunes

Jen's prayer: Andy Cloninger's "Great is the Lord in Zion"

When you're raised with a Christian background like me, summer means the time to get your Jesus freak on. Ha. Or in other words, reconnect with Jesus. When I was in middle school and high school, summer meant camps and Christian music festivals popping up everywhere. I always needed something to help refocus and direct my life back to Christ before school started back up in the fall.

I was reading Megan's post and thinking about my faith and how it's not nearly as on fire as it used to be back in high school when I had camps or Christian music festivals to attend. When Andy sings, "I wanna dance, I wanna sing" that's what summer was all about. You praised Jesus. And thus, you felt Jesus. And I was thinking about how Megan said something about not feeling Jesus' spirit as much or something and I was thinking, "Yeah, I'm not on fire either!" But the thing is, I KNOW my faith is more mature than it was in high school. I may not FEEL like I did back then with that pumped up energy, but that doesn't mean Jesus isn't there. I shouldn't rely on a camp or festival to bring back that zeal, I should just press forward on my own. And I'm glad this song and Megan's post could help me realize that.

Megan's prayer: Andy Cloninger's "Great is the Lord of Zion"

To be honest, my faith life is no where near where I want it to be. And it's nowhere near where it used to be. Last summer, God's love for me was so intense, it was almost tangible. I could feel it everywhere around me. There was no question as to whether or not I was loved.

Things have changed a little. Although I know God still loves me, and can see it, I'm having a hard time feeling it. The joy in my faith has been lost a little, and I'm not sure what to attribute that to. Having to remind myself that God loves me is a little different than just constantly experiencing it.

I want to rediscover those days of pure and constantly love from God. While I know it isn't gone cause I can see it, I need help figuring out how to feel it. I want back those days of pure joy in my faith.

I wanna dance
I wanna shout
I wanna sing "Hallelujah"

Katie's prayer: Andy Cloninger's "Great is the Lord in Zion"

The one thing that struck me about this song was it was basically the same 4 lines over and over again. (except for one little bit in the middle) You'd think that 3.5 minutes of the same 4 lines would get kinda boring after a while. And after listening to the song non-stop for 30 minutes, hearing the same thing over and over again would become annoying. But strangely, that's not the case. I never get tired of hearing Andy sing:

Great is the Lord in Zion
He is exalted over all the nations
Let them praise your great and awesome name.
Holy, Holy, Holy, is your great and awesome name.

And if I never get tired of hearing it, then the same must be true for God. We all know God is great and awesome and holy, but how often to we proclaim that? How often do I proclaim that, or more accurately, how little do I proclaim that? Last Monday, I talked about increasing those prayers of thankfulness. I think today's lesson is about increasing those prayers of affirmation.

Great is the Lord in Zion
He is exalted over all the nations
Let them praise your great and awesome name.
Holy, Holy, Holy, is your great and awesome name.

Megan's prayer: Plumb's "Stranded"

And I wanna be with you

I know, for sure, that I want to be with God. I want to serve him, I want to honor him, I want to live my life for him. No matter what I do, or where I am, I want to be with God.

And you wanna be with me

A much harder reality for me to accept is God wanting to be with me. While I want to believe it's true, and *do* believe it is true most of the time, there are those times of doubt. Those times where I have to convince myself God wants me, instead of it being a natural feeling inside.

At this point, I'm not sure how to make it a more instinctual feeling, but my prayer for today is that I can continue on the path to always knowing that God loves me.

Chris' prayer: Plumb's "Stranded"

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word stranded is having a car break down miles from everywhere and not knowing what exactly to do.

Fortunately, this has really only happened to me once, where I was too far from anyone I knew who could help me. I don't recall what happened to the car, but I remember I was stuck on the side of the highway just more than halfway to school, but still so far. I was lucky, too, that there was a random subdivision in the middle of this nowhere, where I could borrow a phone.

I called a friend of mine who was more than happy to skip dinner and make the hour and a half trip to come rescue me, pretending like it was no big deal, and not allowing me to pay for her meal, her gas, or her time. I was rescued- for free.

This image has always stuck with me as that of my Heavenly Father. Rescuing me from all the troubles in my life, and not asking for anything in return. He just wants to save me.

Katie's prayer: Plumb's "Stranded

Today was not the best day for me and God. I tried, I started out with morning prayer, I went for my walk with Jesus, I listened to today's song over and over and over again. Ok, so maybe morning prayer was said in my bed with a yawn after every paragraph. Maybe I had to force myself to go for the walk and when I did get out there, all I did was complain, about my life, about the weather, about everything. Maybe I didn't actually pay attention to what I was listening to when I was listening to the song. Maybe I didn't try as hard as I should have. Maybe that's why I felt a little stranded today.

I miss you, I need you
Without you, I'm stranded
I love you so come back

Jen's prayer: Plumb's "Stranded"

It's hard for me to look at this song as being about God, because when I used to listen to Plumb, this was always a boy/girl song...probably because at the end it says "Oh baby I miss you." I don't usually talk to God like that. Ha. Buuuut there is something I was thinking about at the beginning when the lyrics go...

And I wanna be with you
And you wanna be with me

If I WANT to be with God. And God WANTS to be with me...what's the problem? Why can't it just be that simple? Well, I'll tell you why...I let the worldly stuff get in the way. But I am praying that I can simplify it down to the basics...God wants me to draw close to Him and so that is what I shall do.

Jen's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless

I relate a lot to this song. People who know me well know I'm not the most ... graceful person. They also know that even though I can appear pretty smart since I graduated from college early, I can be pretty stupid sometimes too. And I can be really foolish when it comes to me ignoring God's voice. And it can be during these points where I feel absolutely useless. I don't even know why God would want to use me as a vessel to do his work. Because let's face, I'm pretty hopeless sometimes. Luckily, Chris Rice goes onto say in this song, that the good thing is God still wants me and still wants to be near me. God doesn't give up on me as easily as I sometimes give up on myself. And if God, the maker of heaven and earth, the very guy who could strike us all dead if He so chose, isn't going to give up on ME, then why should I give up on me?

Katie's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it

(I realize what I'm about to say is probably not what the singer or songwriter intended for this part of the song, but gosh darn it, it's my prayer and I can make it whatever I want) (:

I have a big problem of measuring my holiness by the holiness of those around me. Sometimes by telling myself it's ok if I didn't do morning prayer today, so and so never does morning prayer. Yeah, this isn't the best thing for me to be doing, but this person whose faith I admire is doing it, so it must be ok, right? Sometimes I glorify those around me, and thus try to be just like them. I know this isn't my favorite way of praying, this isn't a way I normally feel God, but so and so prays like this and says the feel God through this kind of prayer, so I should do it. I should abandon my ways of praying to pray just like this person. I even have thoughts that everyone around me is WAY holier than I am or could ever be. I'm the only one who has trouble with this sin, I'm the only one that experiences dips in faith life, I'm the only one without a deep prayer life.

But that's stupid. Other people should not affect my relationship with God. I shouldn't be looking at the relationships of those around me with God, I should only be focused on my relationship with God. It shouldn't matter if so and so is doing such and such sin, that doesn't give me permission to do it. It shouldn't matter how so and so prays, I should concentrate on my own prayer life, and how I want to pray. I need to keep my eyes focused on God, and everything else will fall into place.

My only hope is to fall on Jesus.

Chris' prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

And that You wanna be near me

I can be pretty mean sometimes. I can be ornery, and spiteful, and selfish. I can lash out and I am the best at making absolutely nothing ever my fault. I'm good at deflecting blame and I'm very good at being in a bad mood. In short, I can be very good at not being Christian at all.

When I'm able to recognize this mood, I cannot understand why anyone at all would want to be around me. Why would anyone want to put up with my stupidity and selfishness? But whether it is my girlfriend, or a friend or family member, or simply God telling me they want to hang out, I am reminded once again that love really does conquer all things.

Even me.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

I get so foolish
I get so stupid

I've definitely felt this way recently. I do something stupid, I make mistakes, I blow things out of proportion. I end up feeling so ashamed, and upset with myself.

But You're sayin' You love me
And You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me

Despite my screw ups, I'm still loved. God's not giving up on me. He knows that, with his help, I'll figure it out eventually. I'm so lucky.

Megan's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

Something I constantly struggle with is not being happy with what I have, even when what I have is perfect. I'm always waiting on something other than (it). It's not something I'm proud of - it's a major flaw. I end up distancing myself from others, hurting others, and just appearing selfish and spoiled.

It's not who I really am inside, well, it's not at all who I want to be. While I do want more to life when it comes to my faith, I need God's help and grace to help me realize that my life is so wonderful, that what I all have going for me is amazing, that I am truly blessed.

Chris' prayer: Stacy Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

A good friend of mine used to blog pretty regularly, almost daily. For quite awhile, the idea above was a constant theme. She felt like she was not being truly present and in the moment, instead finding herself getting caught up in where she had to be, or what was up next, or something just on the other side of the present. She struggled to be here in this moment.

As much as I hoped she would get past that and find someway to be present, reading about her struggle was something I never grew weary of because it is something that I constantly struggle with myself. For instance, I absolutely, positively freak out over being on time for practically everything, that I am often missing what is going on around me because I'm worried about where I have to be next. And that is a tough thing to get over, to "unlearn" old habits, to force myself to appreciate, for what it is worth, what is going on right now.


YouTube | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "More to Life"

There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

So I just got back from seeing the movie, "17 Again" (and yes girls, Zac Efron is just as adorable in this film as in the High School Musical films). After watching this film, though, I remembered how much in high school it was all about those temporary highs. It was all about living in the moment. Even in the film they talk about how when something goes wrong it always feels like the end of the world. We have these ups and downs and that's when you realize, "There's gotta be more to life than this!"Thankfully, there is.
I'm so glad that Jesus has given a meaning to my life so I don't just keep living for temporary highs. Those highs are nice, but you always end up back down. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, though, so that's the direction I want to stick.

Katie's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

I'm wanting more

I feel like I experience that a lot. Wanting more. If I had more time, I could do all the things I want/need to do. If I had more sleep, I would function better. If I had more money, I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I could go out to eat with my friends. If I had more shoes, my feet would like me better.

Why am I feeling like there's something I missed...

God. I feel like God should be on that list of things I want more of. There's always more of God to get. More prayer time, deeper prayer, more trust, more whatever, there's ALWAYS more to God. But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I become "ok" with how things are going. I become lazy in my relationship with God. And suddenly I find myself settling instead of wanting more.

Megan's prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

Last summer I had the easiest job ever. I was the receptionist at a construction company, and all I really did was answer phone calls and sort the mail. For the other 7 hours of the day, I would surf the internet, trying to look busy. While I was doing this, my boss was constantly running in and out of meetings, visiting job sites, etc. He was always on the move.

Some days I would be so bored sitting at my desk, I would finally ask my boss "How can you use me?" or "What am I needed for?" He always had answers. For those days, I became his wing man - answering his emails, doing research, running errands. Even though he could do just fine without me, he appreciated the help.

Sadly, I feel like my relationship with God might be similar. Sometimes I get so caught up in other things that I forget to ask God what he wants me to do. In the back of my mind I know he can do just fine without me, but what I forget is that he would do even better with me.

I pray that I can once again start actively asking God "How can you use me?" and "What am I needed for?" I know he has answers for me, he is just waiting for me to ask.

Chris' prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

The first thing that stuck out to me when reading the lyrics to this song was just how many times Ms. François knocks and waits for the door to be opened.

Just today, I was at Megan's apartment, standing outside her door, knocking and getting nothing in reply. Since she is in the process of moving, I only knocked twice at her old apartment before leaving to see if she was in the new one. When I got there, I knocked three times, but still had no answer. Fed up with waiting, and hearing the voices inside, I just opened the door myself and walked right in.

Two things: I didn't wait long, nor did I knock many times, at the first door. And at the second one, I knocked more, waited a little more, but did not wait until the door was opened for me.

I guess you can tell that I'm not the most patient of people. To read that Ms. François sings of knocking seven times and waiting for an answer tests my patience. I'm not sure I can do that, and if I can, it certainly won't be easy.

...but perhaps it will be worth it.


iTunes

Jen's prayer: Jackie Francois' "Your Will"

I sit here wondering
what you want from me.
I’m waiting to hear your voice.
Please speak a little louder.

I love that last line. Please speak a little louder. That's what I feel like saying to Jesus sometimes. "Hello? I'm listening! What do you want?!" Then again, I think a lot of the time I'm really not listening as well as I should be. But right now I am, and I'm hoping Jesus speaks a little louder to give me a clear answer on what His plans are for my life.

Katie's prayer: Jackie François's "Your Will"

Just tell me what to do,
’cause I need your reassurance.

It seems as if every day there is a new option for what I could do with my life. Ok, maybe not every day, since the count is really only up to 8 different options. That's still a lot of options though. I don't know which one to choose, cause I don't which one God wants me to do. I'm knocking and waiting for God to open the door and say "This is it! This is what you're supposed to do!" But it's not coming. Yet. I had to wait a long time to find out what my profession is supposed to be, I guess I'll have to wait a little bit to find out where I'm supposed to live out that profession too. Well, God, I'm waiting. Waiting to hear your voice. I'm ready and willing to do whatever you want, all you have to do is tell me!

Megan's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've recently become addicted to Stumble Upon. It takes me to random websites based on the interests I initially chose. Two of my interests included "photography" and "astronomy." What I end up with is lots of pictures of space. I'm absolutely amazed by space.

The countless number of stars. The idea of "lightyears" away. I can't comprehend just how big it is. When I look up at the stars at night, I feel so small, so insignificant. But then I think of my faith, think of the importance of my life, and I no longer feel so small.

God is so much bigger than I am - than space is. He gives us meaning. In a universe so huge, with billions of people on this one planet, he makes me feel worthwhile.

Chris' prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

…that feeling must have been a mistake.

I wish that I could bottle up all the wonderful feelings I've felt from being on retreats, attending conferences, experiencing Adoration, participating in Mass, sharing my faith with someone, and feeling God's work in my life. Despite the many experiences, the feeling that results always leaves me too quickly, leaving a hole in its wake, causing me to sometimes wonder if I ever experienced that feeling in the first place. I wish I could take out those feelings whenever needed and relive them. God's Love on tap...or something like that.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

Last week, I blogged about my newest prayer being "God, break me so all that's left of me is you" "God, I'm giving it all to you, whatever you want is what I want." For the first time, when I said those last week, I really meant it. Everyday since, I have prayed that to remind me to be open and listening and willing to follow the Father's will. There was a song that ended adoration tonight at XLT that went perfect with that. "I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now, do what you will."

It's been my prayer for almost a week now, and although I still don't know exactly what the Father's plan is, I'm still not positive on what he wants for my life, I don't know what's going to happen, I still have so much peace about the future. Just the knowledge that it's all in God's hands, I don't have to worry about it, God will tell me somehow how he wants things to go. And all I had to do to get this peace was to just let go. Let go of all those things, those stupid things, that I think I can do better and plan better than Jesus. I wish I had done so a lot sooner.

I'm alive
the moment I let go
brought passion to my soul
I'm alive
my hearts been rearranged
and never be the same
I'm alive

Jen's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've often wondered how people can claim there's no God. There are so many moments in my life where I think, "There's gotta be something bigger in my life that makes me feel like this." Having that sense of peace during trying times or the joy I experience when I reach out to God...it's amazing. It makes me feel ALIVE.

I love this song, by the way.

Chris' prayer: Tree63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

I have sung this song at Mass or adoration or praise & worship or in my car or in the shower or wherever else hundreds of times. I have heard it far more often than that. I really enjoy this song and other songs like it- songs that stress the importance of praising God in the good times and in the bad, in turning to Him for all things and during all things, to see us through all things. In fact, I even made a playlist in iTunes of all such songs I have.

I think often times it is harder for me to pick out something specific about a song I know so well, to hear the line or the word that God is placing on my heart. Tonight, however, I think it is clear what the message, at least for me, is. Tonight, God wants me to know that, praise Him or not, pray to Him or not, speak of Him or not, it is my choice. Everything I do, every action I consider or take, requires a conscious effort, it requires a choice. I can choose to praise Him only when things are going well, or I can choose to praise Him always. I can choose to pray to Him only when I need something, or I can choose to pray to Him constantly, with everything I do. I can choose to speak of Him only in my small Christian circles, or I can choose to speak of Him to everyone I come in contact with. Knowing that,

My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering

I watched the movie "I Am Sam" tonight. Although I've seen it before, it never hit me so hard as it did tonight. The father goes through so much suffering, yet all he wants is to be there for his daughter - for her to have a wonderful life.

I feel like our Heavenly Father does the same for me. Jesus went through a road marked with suffering, but it was all for me. It was so that I could have a wonderful life.

Blessed be Your name!!

Jen's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed be Your name"

You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

You know, it's pretty hard sometimes to continue to praise and bless the name of the Lord when He takes away certain things. We sing this song in church a lot and it's interesting to sing it in different stages of my life. Sometimes I can relate to the lyrics of all the blessings God has given me so of course I want to sing praise and bless His name. Then there are other times, like now, where I feel like God is taking away certain things I want to hold onto. But I know that Jesus is all I need. No matter what God gives or takes in my life, I pray my heart will still bless His name.

Katie's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Today's song reminded me of a blog I wrote a little over a year ago. I think it applies so well, that I just copied and pasted it for today. But no worries, it's something I constantly struggle with, and through this song have been reminded to try harder.

So I saw the cutest thing at church this past Sunday. There was a mom with her (about) 5 year old boy sitting in front of me. The boy was trying to place a piece of paper in the song book to mark where the next song would be. It wasn't going so well. His mom reaches over to hold the paper while he closed the book. Helping him with something so (in my mind) insignificant. He obviously thought it was significant because he immediately jumped right up and gave her a hug. Not a little hug either. It was a "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" kind of hug. It didn't last very long, then he went back to doing whatever. Throughout the rest of mass, he kept reaching over at random times to give her "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" hugs. Even though it seemed as if there was nothing to be thankful for.

Now, you may just see a little kid's love for his mother, but I saw something deeper. And it was Chris' comment about how on cletus youth, the prayer request topic was 5 times as big as the thankfulness prayer topic! I'm sure it's not just on there that our prayer REQUESTS way outnumber our prayers of THANKFULNESS. In that little kid, I saw how we should really be treating our Heavenly Father. Constantly THANKING Him, even if, at times, it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

Since Chris' post, I've tried to come up with something everyday to be thankful for. From things like "Thank you God for the beautiful weather" to "Thank you God for the experience I had during adoration" even to "Thank you God for my struggles, for they help bring me back to You" and "Thank you God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted them answered, for I can see now, the way I wanted was not the best way."

I challenge you: Increase those prayers of thankfulness, even if it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

My prayer of thankfulness today: Dear God, thank you! Thank you for this past weekend, it's exactly what I needed! Thank you for all the wonderful Totus Tuus teachers you sent our way this summer. Thank you for helping me realize I need to get back to praying the Liturgy of the Hours. Thank you for those emails from those two parishes. Thank you for helping me to realize there may be more than one option out there for me for next year. Thank you for the amazing people I spent time with at camp, and thank you for helping me think about them, and thus think about camp, often. Thank you for the rain to help the grass grow. Thank you for the job I currently have, even though it is part time, I love it. Dear God, thank you!

Chris' prayer: Kutless' "This Time"

One of the most spiritually moving experiences I've ever had was walking someone through the process of becoming Catholic. A good friend of mine had decided that the Catholic Church was where he felt at home, and decided to be Confirmed in the Church. He asked me to be his Sponsor, and what followed was four or five months of growing together. We would read the same books and discuss their merits, what we liked about the books, and what we struggled with. We talked to each other about our personal struggles and worked with each other to try to surpass those downfalls. We learned all about the Church together.

It is because of this experience that I absolutely love attending the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday, despite being three hours long. Knowing what leads up to that moment for those preparing to enter the Church has given me a great respect and reverence for this holy service.

Sadly, this experience is also one of my most disappointing. Almost immediately after being confirmed, my friend seemed to abandon his faith life. Gone were the books we shared, the talks, the growing, the learning, everything. It was like once the process was finished, so was he. It is something that, to this day, I struggle to get past. A part of me aches, a part of me still hurts in a very real way.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure exactly how to go about moving past it. I would like to, and I've tried. But the disappointment that I felt– that I feel– still grips me tightly. I wish I could just let it go; I wish I could just walk away.



iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Kutless' " This Time"

You were the one that I looked to
I never thought I'd see you run
I never thought I'd see you turn your back on all you
knew what right

I think one of the hardest things in life is to have one of your role models make a mistake, do something that is out of character, and just seems wrong. Having built up this person in your mind to be almost perfect, and then having that image destroyed.

Maybe even worse is to be the one who makes the mistake, who turns and runs from God, even though others are looking up to me.

Instead of looking at others as the perfect role model, we must see they also make mistakes, that they too are human. Only God is the perfect role model.

Katie's prayer: Kutless' "This Time"

I feel like God sings this song to me a lot. Why'd you turn away? Why'd you run? Run til this point of breaking? I feel like it could also be a song that I sing to myself, asking myself "Hey stupid, why'd you run away?" Every time I come back I tell myself, no not this time, it's going to last for good this time, I'm not going to run away this time. Things are going to be different. But then something happens that pushes me back and it's hard to get back on track, back to where God wants me, back to where I was before I was pushed back. Sometimes it gets so hard that I do run away.
There is a constant push and pull in my faith life, but this time, THIS TIME is different. I'm going to stay for good this time God. I know I've said it before, but this time it's really really really real! The reason is this blog! I can't run away from you if I have this commitment to You (and Chris). (: There is no running away, not even walking away, this time. I won't allow it.

I see you're back again
You'll never run again
This time
No walking away
No walking away