Tonight the walls are tumbling down
Tonight was XLT. Through that, he used a lot of songs to get to me but it can all be explained by the above line. One of the first songs after Adoration started was “Came to my Rescue.” The chorus starts “I called, You answered.” I paused at that, because recently, I haven’t felt like I’ve gotten many answers. I’ve called multiple times. And I know, God takes His time, and things need to happen in His time. But mostly what I’ve been asking for is just the knowledge about something - not actually asking for it to happen. So I paused and started talking to God about how He wasn’t answering. I got the strange sense at one point that He was telling me He was answering me. Immediately after this feeling came the lyrics “my whole life, I place in Your hands.” That had been my answer from Him all along, but I never really accepted it because it wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
So I continued through Adoration talking to God about wanting to place my life in His hands, but having difficulty. And still wanting an actual answer to my question. I can’t remember what song came next, but I do remember there being a lyric that was something about your dreams not coming true. As I type that, it seems wrong. Maybe it didn’t say that, but it was something similar to that. Similar enough that I came to the realization that my dream for my life may not be God’s dream for my life. So the rest of Adoration was spent asking why not!? Why can’t this happen like this? And putting up these walls of “No gosh darn it!”
As I was driving home, though, my mind started to change. Song after song repeated that ideal of placing things in God’s hands. And that, sometimes, that means not having my dream. And now, those walls I put up saying “no” are tumbling down and I’m slowly learning to say “yes.” And let me tell you, it hurts. But it’s a good kind of hurt. I guess. (:
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