Jen's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless

I relate a lot to this song. People who know me well know I'm not the most ... graceful person. They also know that even though I can appear pretty smart since I graduated from college early, I can be pretty stupid sometimes too. And I can be really foolish when it comes to me ignoring God's voice. And it can be during these points where I feel absolutely useless. I don't even know why God would want to use me as a vessel to do his work. Because let's face, I'm pretty hopeless sometimes. Luckily, Chris Rice goes onto say in this song, that the good thing is God still wants me and still wants to be near me. God doesn't give up on me as easily as I sometimes give up on myself. And if God, the maker of heaven and earth, the very guy who could strike us all dead if He so chose, isn't going to give up on ME, then why should I give up on me?

Katie's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it

(I realize what I'm about to say is probably not what the singer or songwriter intended for this part of the song, but gosh darn it, it's my prayer and I can make it whatever I want) (:

I have a big problem of measuring my holiness by the holiness of those around me. Sometimes by telling myself it's ok if I didn't do morning prayer today, so and so never does morning prayer. Yeah, this isn't the best thing for me to be doing, but this person whose faith I admire is doing it, so it must be ok, right? Sometimes I glorify those around me, and thus try to be just like them. I know this isn't my favorite way of praying, this isn't a way I normally feel God, but so and so prays like this and says the feel God through this kind of prayer, so I should do it. I should abandon my ways of praying to pray just like this person. I even have thoughts that everyone around me is WAY holier than I am or could ever be. I'm the only one who has trouble with this sin, I'm the only one that experiences dips in faith life, I'm the only one without a deep prayer life.

But that's stupid. Other people should not affect my relationship with God. I shouldn't be looking at the relationships of those around me with God, I should only be focused on my relationship with God. It shouldn't matter if so and so is doing such and such sin, that doesn't give me permission to do it. It shouldn't matter how so and so prays, I should concentrate on my own prayer life, and how I want to pray. I need to keep my eyes focused on God, and everything else will fall into place.

My only hope is to fall on Jesus.

Chris' prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

And that You wanna be near me

I can be pretty mean sometimes. I can be ornery, and spiteful, and selfish. I can lash out and I am the best at making absolutely nothing ever my fault. I'm good at deflecting blame and I'm very good at being in a bad mood. In short, I can be very good at not being Christian at all.

When I'm able to recognize this mood, I cannot understand why anyone at all would want to be around me. Why would anyone want to put up with my stupidity and selfishness? But whether it is my girlfriend, or a friend or family member, or simply God telling me they want to hang out, I am reminded once again that love really does conquer all things.

Even me.


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Megan's prayer: Chris Rice's "Clumsy"

I get so foolish
I get so stupid

I've definitely felt this way recently. I do something stupid, I make mistakes, I blow things out of proportion. I end up feeling so ashamed, and upset with myself.

But You're sayin' You love me
And You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me

Despite my screw ups, I'm still loved. God's not giving up on me. He knows that, with his help, I'll figure it out eventually. I'm so lucky.

Megan's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

Something I constantly struggle with is not being happy with what I have, even when what I have is perfect. I'm always waiting on something other than (it). It's not something I'm proud of - it's a major flaw. I end up distancing myself from others, hurting others, and just appearing selfish and spoiled.

It's not who I really am inside, well, it's not at all who I want to be. While I do want more to life when it comes to my faith, I need God's help and grace to help me realize that my life is so wonderful, that what I all have going for me is amazing, that I am truly blessed.

Chris' prayer: Stacy Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

A good friend of mine used to blog pretty regularly, almost daily. For quite awhile, the idea above was a constant theme. She felt like she was not being truly present and in the moment, instead finding herself getting caught up in where she had to be, or what was up next, or something just on the other side of the present. She struggled to be here in this moment.

As much as I hoped she would get past that and find someway to be present, reading about her struggle was something I never grew weary of because it is something that I constantly struggle with myself. For instance, I absolutely, positively freak out over being on time for practically everything, that I am often missing what is going on around me because I'm worried about where I have to be next. And that is a tough thing to get over, to "unlearn" old habits, to force myself to appreciate, for what it is worth, what is going on right now.


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Jen's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "More to Life"

There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

So I just got back from seeing the movie, "17 Again" (and yes girls, Zac Efron is just as adorable in this film as in the High School Musical films). After watching this film, though, I remembered how much in high school it was all about those temporary highs. It was all about living in the moment. Even in the film they talk about how when something goes wrong it always feels like the end of the world. We have these ups and downs and that's when you realize, "There's gotta be more to life than this!"Thankfully, there is.
I'm so glad that Jesus has given a meaning to my life so I don't just keep living for temporary highs. Those highs are nice, but you always end up back down. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, though, so that's the direction I want to stick.

Katie's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

I'm wanting more

I feel like I experience that a lot. Wanting more. If I had more time, I could do all the things I want/need to do. If I had more sleep, I would function better. If I had more money, I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I could go out to eat with my friends. If I had more shoes, my feet would like me better.

Why am I feeling like there's something I missed...

God. I feel like God should be on that list of things I want more of. There's always more of God to get. More prayer time, deeper prayer, more trust, more whatever, there's ALWAYS more to God. But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I become "ok" with how things are going. I become lazy in my relationship with God. And suddenly I find myself settling instead of wanting more.

Megan's prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

Last summer I had the easiest job ever. I was the receptionist at a construction company, and all I really did was answer phone calls and sort the mail. For the other 7 hours of the day, I would surf the internet, trying to look busy. While I was doing this, my boss was constantly running in and out of meetings, visiting job sites, etc. He was always on the move.

Some days I would be so bored sitting at my desk, I would finally ask my boss "How can you use me?" or "What am I needed for?" He always had answers. For those days, I became his wing man - answering his emails, doing research, running errands. Even though he could do just fine without me, he appreciated the help.

Sadly, I feel like my relationship with God might be similar. Sometimes I get so caught up in other things that I forget to ask God what he wants me to do. In the back of my mind I know he can do just fine without me, but what I forget is that he would do even better with me.

I pray that I can once again start actively asking God "How can you use me?" and "What am I needed for?" I know he has answers for me, he is just waiting for me to ask.

Chris' prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

The first thing that stuck out to me when reading the lyrics to this song was just how many times Ms. François knocks and waits for the door to be opened.

Just today, I was at Megan's apartment, standing outside her door, knocking and getting nothing in reply. Since she is in the process of moving, I only knocked twice at her old apartment before leaving to see if she was in the new one. When I got there, I knocked three times, but still had no answer. Fed up with waiting, and hearing the voices inside, I just opened the door myself and walked right in.

Two things: I didn't wait long, nor did I knock many times, at the first door. And at the second one, I knocked more, waited a little more, but did not wait until the door was opened for me.

I guess you can tell that I'm not the most patient of people. To read that Ms. François sings of knocking seven times and waiting for an answer tests my patience. I'm not sure I can do that, and if I can, it certainly won't be easy.

...but perhaps it will be worth it.


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Jen's prayer: Jackie Francois' "Your Will"

I sit here wondering
what you want from me.
I’m waiting to hear your voice.
Please speak a little louder.

I love that last line. Please speak a little louder. That's what I feel like saying to Jesus sometimes. "Hello? I'm listening! What do you want?!" Then again, I think a lot of the time I'm really not listening as well as I should be. But right now I am, and I'm hoping Jesus speaks a little louder to give me a clear answer on what His plans are for my life.

Katie's prayer: Jackie François's "Your Will"

Just tell me what to do,
’cause I need your reassurance.

It seems as if every day there is a new option for what I could do with my life. Ok, maybe not every day, since the count is really only up to 8 different options. That's still a lot of options though. I don't know which one to choose, cause I don't which one God wants me to do. I'm knocking and waiting for God to open the door and say "This is it! This is what you're supposed to do!" But it's not coming. Yet. I had to wait a long time to find out what my profession is supposed to be, I guess I'll have to wait a little bit to find out where I'm supposed to live out that profession too. Well, God, I'm waiting. Waiting to hear your voice. I'm ready and willing to do whatever you want, all you have to do is tell me!

Megan's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've recently become addicted to Stumble Upon. It takes me to random websites based on the interests I initially chose. Two of my interests included "photography" and "astronomy." What I end up with is lots of pictures of space. I'm absolutely amazed by space.

The countless number of stars. The idea of "lightyears" away. I can't comprehend just how big it is. When I look up at the stars at night, I feel so small, so insignificant. But then I think of my faith, think of the importance of my life, and I no longer feel so small.

God is so much bigger than I am - than space is. He gives us meaning. In a universe so huge, with billions of people on this one planet, he makes me feel worthwhile.

Chris' prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

…that feeling must have been a mistake.

I wish that I could bottle up all the wonderful feelings I've felt from being on retreats, attending conferences, experiencing Adoration, participating in Mass, sharing my faith with someone, and feeling God's work in my life. Despite the many experiences, the feeling that results always leaves me too quickly, leaving a hole in its wake, causing me to sometimes wonder if I ever experienced that feeling in the first place. I wish I could take out those feelings whenever needed and relive them. God's Love on tap...or something like that.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

Last week, I blogged about my newest prayer being "God, break me so all that's left of me is you" "God, I'm giving it all to you, whatever you want is what I want." For the first time, when I said those last week, I really meant it. Everyday since, I have prayed that to remind me to be open and listening and willing to follow the Father's will. There was a song that ended adoration tonight at XLT that went perfect with that. "I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now, do what you will."

It's been my prayer for almost a week now, and although I still don't know exactly what the Father's plan is, I'm still not positive on what he wants for my life, I don't know what's going to happen, I still have so much peace about the future. Just the knowledge that it's all in God's hands, I don't have to worry about it, God will tell me somehow how he wants things to go. And all I had to do to get this peace was to just let go. Let go of all those things, those stupid things, that I think I can do better and plan better than Jesus. I wish I had done so a lot sooner.

I'm alive
the moment I let go
brought passion to my soul
I'm alive
my hearts been rearranged
and never be the same
I'm alive

Jen's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've often wondered how people can claim there's no God. There are so many moments in my life where I think, "There's gotta be something bigger in my life that makes me feel like this." Having that sense of peace during trying times or the joy I experience when I reach out to God...it's amazing. It makes me feel ALIVE.

I love this song, by the way.

Chris' prayer: Tree63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

I have sung this song at Mass or adoration or praise & worship or in my car or in the shower or wherever else hundreds of times. I have heard it far more often than that. I really enjoy this song and other songs like it- songs that stress the importance of praising God in the good times and in the bad, in turning to Him for all things and during all things, to see us through all things. In fact, I even made a playlist in iTunes of all such songs I have.

I think often times it is harder for me to pick out something specific about a song I know so well, to hear the line or the word that God is placing on my heart. Tonight, however, I think it is clear what the message, at least for me, is. Tonight, God wants me to know that, praise Him or not, pray to Him or not, speak of Him or not, it is my choice. Everything I do, every action I consider or take, requires a conscious effort, it requires a choice. I can choose to praise Him only when things are going well, or I can choose to praise Him always. I can choose to pray to Him only when I need something, or I can choose to pray to Him constantly, with everything I do. I can choose to speak of Him only in my small Christian circles, or I can choose to speak of Him to everyone I come in contact with. Knowing that,

My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

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Megan's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering

I watched the movie "I Am Sam" tonight. Although I've seen it before, it never hit me so hard as it did tonight. The father goes through so much suffering, yet all he wants is to be there for his daughter - for her to have a wonderful life.

I feel like our Heavenly Father does the same for me. Jesus went through a road marked with suffering, but it was all for me. It was so that I could have a wonderful life.

Blessed be Your name!!

Jen's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed be Your name"

You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

You know, it's pretty hard sometimes to continue to praise and bless the name of the Lord when He takes away certain things. We sing this song in church a lot and it's interesting to sing it in different stages of my life. Sometimes I can relate to the lyrics of all the blessings God has given me so of course I want to sing praise and bless His name. Then there are other times, like now, where I feel like God is taking away certain things I want to hold onto. But I know that Jesus is all I need. No matter what God gives or takes in my life, I pray my heart will still bless His name.

Katie's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Today's song reminded me of a blog I wrote a little over a year ago. I think it applies so well, that I just copied and pasted it for today. But no worries, it's something I constantly struggle with, and through this song have been reminded to try harder.

So I saw the cutest thing at church this past Sunday. There was a mom with her (about) 5 year old boy sitting in front of me. The boy was trying to place a piece of paper in the song book to mark where the next song would be. It wasn't going so well. His mom reaches over to hold the paper while he closed the book. Helping him with something so (in my mind) insignificant. He obviously thought it was significant because he immediately jumped right up and gave her a hug. Not a little hug either. It was a "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" kind of hug. It didn't last very long, then he went back to doing whatever. Throughout the rest of mass, he kept reaching over at random times to give her "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" hugs. Even though it seemed as if there was nothing to be thankful for.

Now, you may just see a little kid's love for his mother, but I saw something deeper. And it was Chris' comment about how on cletus youth, the prayer request topic was 5 times as big as the thankfulness prayer topic! I'm sure it's not just on there that our prayer REQUESTS way outnumber our prayers of THANKFULNESS. In that little kid, I saw how we should really be treating our Heavenly Father. Constantly THANKING Him, even if, at times, it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

Since Chris' post, I've tried to come up with something everyday to be thankful for. From things like "Thank you God for the beautiful weather" to "Thank you God for the experience I had during adoration" even to "Thank you God for my struggles, for they help bring me back to You" and "Thank you God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted them answered, for I can see now, the way I wanted was not the best way."

I challenge you: Increase those prayers of thankfulness, even if it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

My prayer of thankfulness today: Dear God, thank you! Thank you for this past weekend, it's exactly what I needed! Thank you for all the wonderful Totus Tuus teachers you sent our way this summer. Thank you for helping me realize I need to get back to praying the Liturgy of the Hours. Thank you for those emails from those two parishes. Thank you for helping me to realize there may be more than one option out there for me for next year. Thank you for the amazing people I spent time with at camp, and thank you for helping me think about them, and thus think about camp, often. Thank you for the rain to help the grass grow. Thank you for the job I currently have, even though it is part time, I love it. Dear God, thank you!