Katie's prayer: Stacie Orrico's "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life"

I'm wanting more

I feel like I experience that a lot. Wanting more. If I had more time, I could do all the things I want/need to do. If I had more sleep, I would function better. If I had more money, I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I could go out to eat with my friends. If I had more shoes, my feet would like me better.

Why am I feeling like there's something I missed...

God. I feel like God should be on that list of things I want more of. There's always more of God to get. More prayer time, deeper prayer, more trust, more whatever, there's ALWAYS more to God. But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I become "ok" with how things are going. I become lazy in my relationship with God. And suddenly I find myself settling instead of wanting more.

Megan's prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

Last summer I had the easiest job ever. I was the receptionist at a construction company, and all I really did was answer phone calls and sort the mail. For the other 7 hours of the day, I would surf the internet, trying to look busy. While I was doing this, my boss was constantly running in and out of meetings, visiting job sites, etc. He was always on the move.

Some days I would be so bored sitting at my desk, I would finally ask my boss "How can you use me?" or "What am I needed for?" He always had answers. For those days, I became his wing man - answering his emails, doing research, running errands. Even though he could do just fine without me, he appreciated the help.

Sadly, I feel like my relationship with God might be similar. Sometimes I get so caught up in other things that I forget to ask God what he wants me to do. In the back of my mind I know he can do just fine without me, but what I forget is that he would do even better with me.

I pray that I can once again start actively asking God "How can you use me?" and "What am I needed for?" I know he has answers for me, he is just waiting for me to ask.

Chris' prayer: Jackie François' "Your Will"

The first thing that stuck out to me when reading the lyrics to this song was just how many times Ms. François knocks and waits for the door to be opened.

Just today, I was at Megan's apartment, standing outside her door, knocking and getting nothing in reply. Since she is in the process of moving, I only knocked twice at her old apartment before leaving to see if she was in the new one. When I got there, I knocked three times, but still had no answer. Fed up with waiting, and hearing the voices inside, I just opened the door myself and walked right in.

Two things: I didn't wait long, nor did I knock many times, at the first door. And at the second one, I knocked more, waited a little more, but did not wait until the door was opened for me.

I guess you can tell that I'm not the most patient of people. To read that Ms. François sings of knocking seven times and waiting for an answer tests my patience. I'm not sure I can do that, and if I can, it certainly won't be easy.

...but perhaps it will be worth it.


iTunes

Jen's prayer: Jackie Francois' "Your Will"

I sit here wondering
what you want from me.
I’m waiting to hear your voice.
Please speak a little louder.

I love that last line. Please speak a little louder. That's what I feel like saying to Jesus sometimes. "Hello? I'm listening! What do you want?!" Then again, I think a lot of the time I'm really not listening as well as I should be. But right now I am, and I'm hoping Jesus speaks a little louder to give me a clear answer on what His plans are for my life.

Katie's prayer: Jackie François's "Your Will"

Just tell me what to do,
’cause I need your reassurance.

It seems as if every day there is a new option for what I could do with my life. Ok, maybe not every day, since the count is really only up to 8 different options. That's still a lot of options though. I don't know which one to choose, cause I don't which one God wants me to do. I'm knocking and waiting for God to open the door and say "This is it! This is what you're supposed to do!" But it's not coming. Yet. I had to wait a long time to find out what my profession is supposed to be, I guess I'll have to wait a little bit to find out where I'm supposed to live out that profession too. Well, God, I'm waiting. Waiting to hear your voice. I'm ready and willing to do whatever you want, all you have to do is tell me!

Megan's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've recently become addicted to Stumble Upon. It takes me to random websites based on the interests I initially chose. Two of my interests included "photography" and "astronomy." What I end up with is lots of pictures of space. I'm absolutely amazed by space.

The countless number of stars. The idea of "lightyears" away. I can't comprehend just how big it is. When I look up at the stars at night, I feel so small, so insignificant. But then I think of my faith, think of the importance of my life, and I no longer feel so small.

God is so much bigger than I am - than space is. He gives us meaning. In a universe so huge, with billions of people on this one planet, he makes me feel worthwhile.

Chris' prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

…that feeling must have been a mistake.

I wish that I could bottle up all the wonderful feelings I've felt from being on retreats, attending conferences, experiencing Adoration, participating in Mass, sharing my faith with someone, and feeling God's work in my life. Despite the many experiences, the feeling that results always leaves me too quickly, leaving a hole in its wake, causing me to sometimes wonder if I ever experienced that feeling in the first place. I wish I could take out those feelings whenever needed and relive them. God's Love on tap...or something like that.


YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Katie's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm Alive"

Last week, I blogged about my newest prayer being "God, break me so all that's left of me is you" "God, I'm giving it all to you, whatever you want is what I want." For the first time, when I said those last week, I really meant it. Everyday since, I have prayed that to remind me to be open and listening and willing to follow the Father's will. There was a song that ended adoration tonight at XLT that went perfect with that. "I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now, do what you will."

It's been my prayer for almost a week now, and although I still don't know exactly what the Father's plan is, I'm still not positive on what he wants for my life, I don't know what's going to happen, I still have so much peace about the future. Just the knowledge that it's all in God's hands, I don't have to worry about it, God will tell me somehow how he wants things to go. And all I had to do to get this peace was to just let go. Let go of all those things, those stupid things, that I think I can do better and plan better than Jesus. I wish I had done so a lot sooner.

I'm alive
the moment I let go
brought passion to my soul
I'm alive
my hearts been rearranged
and never be the same
I'm alive

Jen's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "I'm alive"

It must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do

I've often wondered how people can claim there's no God. There are so many moments in my life where I think, "There's gotta be something bigger in my life that makes me feel like this." Having that sense of peace during trying times or the joy I experience when I reach out to God...it's amazing. It makes me feel ALIVE.

I love this song, by the way.

Chris' prayer: Tree63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

I have sung this song at Mass or adoration or praise & worship or in my car or in the shower or wherever else hundreds of times. I have heard it far more often than that. I really enjoy this song and other songs like it- songs that stress the importance of praising God in the good times and in the bad, in turning to Him for all things and during all things, to see us through all things. In fact, I even made a playlist in iTunes of all such songs I have.

I think often times it is harder for me to pick out something specific about a song I know so well, to hear the line or the word that God is placing on my heart. Tonight, however, I think it is clear what the message, at least for me, is. Tonight, God wants me to know that, praise Him or not, pray to Him or not, speak of Him or not, it is my choice. Everything I do, every action I consider or take, requires a conscious effort, it requires a choice. I can choose to praise Him only when things are going well, or I can choose to praise Him always. I can choose to pray to Him only when I need something, or I can choose to pray to Him constantly, with everything I do. I can choose to speak of Him only in my small Christian circles, or I can choose to speak of Him to everyone I come in contact with. Knowing that,

My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

YouTube | iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering

I watched the movie "I Am Sam" tonight. Although I've seen it before, it never hit me so hard as it did tonight. The father goes through so much suffering, yet all he wants is to be there for his daughter - for her to have a wonderful life.

I feel like our Heavenly Father does the same for me. Jesus went through a road marked with suffering, but it was all for me. It was so that I could have a wonderful life.

Blessed be Your name!!

Jen's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed be Your name"

You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

You know, it's pretty hard sometimes to continue to praise and bless the name of the Lord when He takes away certain things. We sing this song in church a lot and it's interesting to sing it in different stages of my life. Sometimes I can relate to the lyrics of all the blessings God has given me so of course I want to sing praise and bless His name. Then there are other times, like now, where I feel like God is taking away certain things I want to hold onto. But I know that Jesus is all I need. No matter what God gives or takes in my life, I pray my heart will still bless His name.

Katie's prayer: Tree 63's "Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Today's song reminded me of a blog I wrote a little over a year ago. I think it applies so well, that I just copied and pasted it for today. But no worries, it's something I constantly struggle with, and through this song have been reminded to try harder.

So I saw the cutest thing at church this past Sunday. There was a mom with her (about) 5 year old boy sitting in front of me. The boy was trying to place a piece of paper in the song book to mark where the next song would be. It wasn't going so well. His mom reaches over to hold the paper while he closed the book. Helping him with something so (in my mind) insignificant. He obviously thought it was significant because he immediately jumped right up and gave her a hug. Not a little hug either. It was a "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" kind of hug. It didn't last very long, then he went back to doing whatever. Throughout the rest of mass, he kept reaching over at random times to give her "without you, I'll die, so I'm going to cling really tightly" hugs. Even though it seemed as if there was nothing to be thankful for.

Now, you may just see a little kid's love for his mother, but I saw something deeper. And it was Chris' comment about how on cletus youth, the prayer request topic was 5 times as big as the thankfulness prayer topic! I'm sure it's not just on there that our prayer REQUESTS way outnumber our prayers of THANKFULNESS. In that little kid, I saw how we should really be treating our Heavenly Father. Constantly THANKING Him, even if, at times, it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

Since Chris' post, I've tried to come up with something everyday to be thankful for. From things like "Thank you God for the beautiful weather" to "Thank you God for the experience I had during adoration" even to "Thank you God for my struggles, for they help bring me back to You" and "Thank you God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted them answered, for I can see now, the way I wanted was not the best way."

I challenge you: Increase those prayers of thankfulness, even if it seems as if there's nothing to be thankful for.

My prayer of thankfulness today: Dear God, thank you! Thank you for this past weekend, it's exactly what I needed! Thank you for all the wonderful Totus Tuus teachers you sent our way this summer. Thank you for helping me realize I need to get back to praying the Liturgy of the Hours. Thank you for those emails from those two parishes. Thank you for helping me to realize there may be more than one option out there for me for next year. Thank you for the amazing people I spent time with at camp, and thank you for helping me think about them, and thus think about camp, often. Thank you for the rain to help the grass grow. Thank you for the job I currently have, even though it is part time, I love it. Dear God, thank you!

Chris' prayer: Kutless' "This Time"

One of the most spiritually moving experiences I've ever had was walking someone through the process of becoming Catholic. A good friend of mine had decided that the Catholic Church was where he felt at home, and decided to be Confirmed in the Church. He asked me to be his Sponsor, and what followed was four or five months of growing together. We would read the same books and discuss their merits, what we liked about the books, and what we struggled with. We talked to each other about our personal struggles and worked with each other to try to surpass those downfalls. We learned all about the Church together.

It is because of this experience that I absolutely love attending the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday, despite being three hours long. Knowing what leads up to that moment for those preparing to enter the Church has given me a great respect and reverence for this holy service.

Sadly, this experience is also one of my most disappointing. Almost immediately after being confirmed, my friend seemed to abandon his faith life. Gone were the books we shared, the talks, the growing, the learning, everything. It was like once the process was finished, so was he. It is something that, to this day, I struggle to get past. A part of me aches, a part of me still hurts in a very real way.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure exactly how to go about moving past it. I would like to, and I've tried. But the disappointment that I felt– that I feel– still grips me tightly. I wish I could just let it go; I wish I could just walk away.



iTunes | Lyrics

Megan's prayer: Kutless' " This Time"

You were the one that I looked to
I never thought I'd see you run
I never thought I'd see you turn your back on all you
knew what right

I think one of the hardest things in life is to have one of your role models make a mistake, do something that is out of character, and just seems wrong. Having built up this person in your mind to be almost perfect, and then having that image destroyed.

Maybe even worse is to be the one who makes the mistake, who turns and runs from God, even though others are looking up to me.

Instead of looking at others as the perfect role model, we must see they also make mistakes, that they too are human. Only God is the perfect role model.

Katie's prayer: Kutless' "This Time"

I feel like God sings this song to me a lot. Why'd you turn away? Why'd you run? Run til this point of breaking? I feel like it could also be a song that I sing to myself, asking myself "Hey stupid, why'd you run away?" Every time I come back I tell myself, no not this time, it's going to last for good this time, I'm not going to run away this time. Things are going to be different. But then something happens that pushes me back and it's hard to get back on track, back to where God wants me, back to where I was before I was pushed back. Sometimes it gets so hard that I do run away.
There is a constant push and pull in my faith life, but this time, THIS TIME is different. I'm going to stay for good this time God. I know I've said it before, but this time it's really really really real! The reason is this blog! I can't run away from you if I have this commitment to You (and Chris). (: There is no running away, not even walking away, this time. I won't allow it.

I see you're back again
You'll never run again
This time
No walking away
No walking away

Megan's prayer: MercyMe's "On My Way to You"

Almost there, almost where I'm supposed to be.

I've never actually made it to a point in my faith life where I was 100% satisfied. I may be happy where I'm at, but I'm always knowing there is more. I know that I'm not quite where I'm supposed to be.

I think this is a blessing - for God to show me how great my faith is, and how important it is - and yet still not let me have 100%. If I were to be exactly where I'm supposed to be, I'm afraid I'd stop pursuing more. And it's in the pursuing that I grow so much.

Katie's prayer: MercyMe's "On My Way to You"

Almost there, almost where I'm supposed to be
It's not all clear, but you keep showing me
With every step, the more my heart moves to your beat
Just like where I'm headed, there's joy in the journey

I've had my times of frustration with God about this whole I want to be a Youth Minister thing. I did my discernment, I figured it all out, God I know what you want me to do with my life! Things are great! Why don't I have a job? Why haven't I been called about interviews? They're not doing the interviews until June? Why so late? Why do I have to wait more and more and more? I'm so close to where I'm supposed to be! Why is it taking so long to get there?

As I was at a low ropes course today with a bunch of youth ministers, I realized I still have a little more to learn. I still have some information to gather from those around me. Some lifenights to go to where I can pay a little more attention to not just what's going on, but also what the youth minister does. A little more time to get more comfortable with the role I want to play. And although I haven't looked at it quite like this in the past, I realized today as I was out there, it's a blessing I had this waiting time. There really is joy in the journey, I just didn't see it before because I was so impatient.

Chris' prayer: MercyMe's "On My Way to You"

One of the things I like best about this song, and something I find myself appreciating more and more each time I listen to it, is the pace of this song. There is something about the tempo of the song that just feels so right, especially for the message. It feels like it is both pulling the listener ahead and restraining him or her. The song is not too fast, but not too slow. It is not too loud, but yet not too soft. Like the story of Goldilocks, this is the baby bear- just right.

It is a great reminder that we are in the middle of a journey. If we sprint it, we will soon grow weary. If we dawdle, we will get distracted. This song, and our spirituality is about maintaining a certain pace, a pace that will have us leaning ever so slightly forward, bringing about the next step, and bringing with it a momentum that carries us through the times where we feel like the journey is all uphill. One single step after another, I'm on my way to You.


iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Mercy Me's "On My Way to You"

It's a little difficult to pin point just a few lyrics from this song. I copied the entire song because I thought, "YES. This ENTIRE song is my prayer to God right now."

I'm on my way to God and with every step I pray my heart moves closer to God's beat. I want him to teach me what He thinks, I want a purer heart, and I want there to be joy in this journey.

I know God has this vision for me and that slowly but surely I am making my way there, but I am only capable with His strength.

So since the whole song captures entirely the essence of my heart right now, I'm just gonna paste most of the song below:

Almost there, almost where I'm supposed to be
It's not all clear, but you keep showing me
With every step, the more my heart moves to your beat
Just like where I'm headed, there's joy in the journey

Teach me to think like you think
Show me the things that are true [ohh]
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you

Create in me a pure heart and make me new
Less of me, Jesus more of you
Here I stand, still I'm drawn down to my knees
It's not my strength, but Your's that carries me

Teach me to think like to you think
Show me the things that are true
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you
Yes I'm on my way to you