Katie's Prayer: Kirk Franklin's "Declaration (This Is It)"

If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve listened to this song on repeat...I’d be rich. It’s sooooo good. I think the most amazing thing about this song, despite how many times I’ve listened to it (over 300), despite the number of times I’ve listened to it back to back to back, I’m still able to pull something new out almost every time I hear it. I’ve had this song on repeat in my car since Tuesday morning when it just happened across my song shuffle and I couldn’t help but put it on repeat, because that’s what you do with this song. I’ve had so many different things run through my head, I’m not sure which ones I’m going to blog about here.

I'm smarter, see I've been here before.

This past Saturday, I went to a training for Confirmation coordinators. One of the first things we did was introduce ourselves: name, parish, and number of years involved with Confirmation. It wasn’t until then that it hit me. This will be my 4th Confirmation class. My baby freshmen that I started with are Seniors this year. Nothing like starting off the day making me feel old. (: As I went through the day with a bunch of (mostly) first year teachers, I realized how much I’ve learned in these past few years. Looking back, I made quite a few stupid mistakes with the program when I started.

But now, here I am starting year 4, and I think I’m starting to get things down. Even with PSR, for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m behind... I’m actually ahead of where I need to be right now. I’m not going to say I’m perfect, because I’m obviously not, I’m still making stupid mistakes... different stupid mistakes than I was making my first year. But I’m finally starting to feel like I know what I’m doing.

Another happy thought that reached me while praying this song. I’ve heard it said before (and I totally believe) that you can’t do youth ministry unless it’s God’s will for your life. Not everyone is called to youth ministry. To be quite frank, it’s tough, at times even tougher than I thought it would be. Those people who aren’t called leave shortly after starting. Here I am, starting year 4... I guess I’m one of the chosen called people. Just a little confidence booster. I knew God was always on my side, but it just feels more like it when I KNOW that this is my calling.

And all of this - confidence boosting, lots of experience, knowing what I’m doing - is coming at the perfect time. This upcoming year is going to be a tough one. It hasn’t really started and I already know it. For those of you close to me, you know why. I’m going to need every bit of confidence, every bit of experience, and every bit of knowledge to survive. That’s how I know it’s going to be a bad year - I’m not even expecting to thrive, I’m expecting to barely survive. But after listening to this song a few dozen times in the past day and a half - and probably for a few more days - I’m getting more hopeful about that survival part. (lol, God-coincidence, just went through the lyrics again to make sure I didn’t miss anything and saw...

I always survive
If you’re a survivor, get up!

I guess I need to get up)

I start right now, I don't know how I'm gonna get through it
I know right now, I pray somehow 'cause I can't do it
I can't keep livin' like this, there's gotta be more than this
Jesus, I'm ready, I'm ready for what you have for me

Dear Jesus,
I know this year is going to be tough. I’ve known for a long time. Help me to exceed my expectations. I want to thrive, even though it seems unlikely. I really want to survive, even though that seems unlikely at times as well. I know I can’t do either without your help. Jesus, I’m ready for what you have for me.
Love,
Katie