Cause you know that your heart is so close to beatingToday, I had an stress echocardiogram. I've been having trouble catching my breath lately and my nurse practitioner wanted to "put me through the ringer," running all kinds of tests to find the problem as soon as they could. This was the last of the tests. It basically involves taking a video of my heart when I'm resting, making me exercise, and then taking another video right afterward.
And as I lay there before the exercise portion, I was watching my heart rate, as it sat in the 40s. I'm not sure if that's my resting heart rate, or if it was just depressed because I felt like I was going to faint. I couldn't help but remember the last time I'd seen a heart rate monitor with 40 on it. I snuck into room 206 in the ICU at St. Joseph's Hospital, and saw my dad lying there, sleeping. His heart rate was exactly 40. As I stood there fighting back the tears, I calculated in my head just how often 40 bpm is. My 40-something bpm might be good, but his definitely wasn't. His heart was dying.
I am so nervous to find out the results of all the tests. I want to find out that I'm mostly okay...that there is just a small thing wrong that can be easily fixed. I want to resume my normal life and be able to breathe. I just want to be normal.
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