In her reflection there,she's not what she wants to be
this song so perfectly captures exactly how i feel about myself right now in life. the only part that doesn't match up is the part about matching models and movie stars. i don't want to be them...but i don't want to be the person i am right now either. the struggle between being the person i know i should be and the person i am has been my most dominant struggle for a while now. it has been there for a while, but it surfaced at fall retreat during a small group question. i don't know who God wants me to be yet, but i am so sure that it is different than who i am. i know that only God can give me the ability and strength to be someone new, and i think this new year is the perfect time to do this, especially with a fresh start in college. its not that i do terrible things, but i am doing things i am ashamed to see myself doing like a lot of negative humor toward a lot of people, sarcasm is the most fluent language of the people i hang out with and i feel like it is affecting my relationship with God because it is affecting my relationships with people He has given me. i feel like i have fallen so far from what my faith once was and now i am scratching the surface of faith again; just doing the motions of what i want my faith to be again. but i feel like things like working on my stillness and a fresh start and listening to God speak through these songs is really helping me.
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