Erinnicole's Prayer: Jars of Clay's "Overjoyed"

I don't like the one I have created today
Crossing nameless from the one I've earned
To be the one, the one you gave to me

As i have said before, this is my latest and greatest struggle. So this pops out at me. I sort of feel uncreative, honestly but it is so dominant in my heart that i guess i can't help but hear God's voice in this way. This basically sums up all of the feelings i am having, and its so annoying and upsetting to realize that the reason i am this way, so seemingly far from God, is because of my own choices. no one makes the choice to put and keep a wall up between God, i do that with my actions. last night, i tried very hard to pull that wall down because i feel like i am literally talking to a wall sometimes when i try to pray since my heart isn't in it. i am more or less talking into the darkness, even though i know He is there and can hear me. i want to be able to speak to him like i would to a friend that would listen. but i was having such a problem with it. so i brought it to my mom and she said that when words can't be found, simple things like "Jesus, I hurt" can be just as effective because you are willingly making the attempt at conversation. it helped. each night, i pray that i be able to be a little more of the person God wants me to be and a little less of the negative image i have created around certain people or for certain things...because i do recognize that not all of me is bad :) thanks to Him.