Megan's prayer: NewSong's "You Are Holy"

And I will live my life for you

Perfect words to end a song. Perfect words to end this prayer journey. This two year long project was intended to help me grow in my faith and discover a bit about what my purpose in life is. I think this song summed that up nicely - to live my life for Christ.

I now know *what* I am supposed to be doing, but I'm not 100% sure *how* to go about doing that. These next few weeks of my faith journey will be preparing myself to live for Christ through Advent. I'm gearing up for the next part of my faith life. I'm a little nervous because I'm entering unknown waters, but I know I have some awesome guidance to help me find where I'm trying to head.

I will surely miss this blog, but am excited about what the future will hold for me.

Megan's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Sing, Sing, Sing"

You are the love that frees us

Life has been pretty crazy recently. It seems that in a lot of ways, things I didn't want to change have started changing, and those areas where I was looking for change have just remained the same.

One area where I would like to see change in my life is my faith. It has seemed for awhile that I am on the verge of some sort of spiritual breakthrough. That I'm on the verge of some amazingly powerful experience that will change my life. The best way to describe what I'm feeling is a silly analogy. I feel that what I am trying to get to is some sort of awesome concert. Some bright, colorful, uplifting, life changing concert. And I know about it, and I know that I am close to it, but right now I'm in the dark halls backstage of the concert. I can hear noise of the concert, but I can't find what door it is to take me there. I try a variety of things, but without any luck.

Recently, though, I've just been distracted from finding that door. I've chosen other things to spend my time doing. Things like work and friends distract me. Poor choices and sin lead me away from the door. Suddenly I'm so far away from the door, I'm not even sure what direction to take to get there. It's easier to just get sucked into these distractions than spend my time searching.

I need reminders like the line tonight. I know that God's love will free me from all of craziness in my life. I know that God's love will help me with the changes in my life, and the love will help me accept those things that aren't changing.

While I have loved this prayer blog and the daily chance to listen to God through prayer, perhaps I need to choose a different door. Perhaps this has become too much of a routine and expectation that it has turned into less of a prayer and more of a distraction.

I'm not sure what the next thing is I will try, but I think that changing things up will help give me a new motivation to truly find ways to feel God's love.

(Perhaps my prayer doesn't make sense tonight. Perhaps that is due to the sickness, tiredness, and the fact I took night time cold medicine. Or, perhaps this is the most honest prayer I have prayed in awhile. I guess I will find out when I wake up tomorrow and reread it.)

Megan's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "Our God"

While I love the words to this song, what really struck me tonight was the memories I have of singing this song this past summer. I remember learning it at an Encounter, but my favorite time I sang it was during the first night of Steubenville. Our youth group was with one other youth group in a small parish hall, and the band we had with us started to sing this song. It's a pretty easy song and everyone seemed to catch on pretty quick.

Similar to the end of Tomlin's recording, we sang just a little part of the song without any instruments playing. It was just our voices coming together to produce the beautiful song. That small moment, when all I heard was a groups of teens singing, has stuck with me. I love seeing the joy and dedication the teens have. I love watching teenagers give all of themselves over to Christ. These are always moving moments, and I'm so lucky when I get to be a part of one. That memory, and feeling, will help carry me through the rough times.

Megan's prayer: David Crowder Band's "How He Loves"

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

Imagining a love like this seems impossible. A love so overwhelming that it drowns us. We can't escape the love. We can't escape God's grace. No matter what we do, we are still loved. This is easy to type, but harder to always believe.

Megan's prayer: Watermark's "My Heart, Your Home"

Come and make my heart your home

As Advent approaches, I think this will become my motto. For me, Advent has always been more of a countdown to Christmas and nothing more. I've tried, but struggled, with using those four weeks as a preparation for Jesus. I've had the desire to follow along with the little Advent booklets, but I've just never been successful. It always seems that Christmas comes out of nowhere and I'm barely ready.

This year I would like to spend more time focusing on making myself ready for Christmas in a spiritual sense. I'm not to worried about finding presents or anything. My main focus will be on better preparing myself for Jesus to come into my life. For Jesus to come and make my heart His home.

Megan's prayer: Karl Zimmerman's "Love Will Lead Us Home"

Love will lead us home to you

Similar to many of the prayers I have prayed this week, tonight I am reminded of the importance of love. Love can do anything. Love can bring us together with those who are different than us. Love can lead us to God.

Megan's prayer: Todd Field's "No Other Name"

No other way

I think this phrase can be both restrictive and freeing at the same time. It's extremely restricting when you are looking for another way. When you want to take an easier path, or a shorter path, or just a more enjoyable path. But often times, there is no other way than to go through the rough stuff.

On the other side, I feel like "no other way" can also be very freeing. When I think about there being "no other way" for my faith, it leaves me feeling confident. It leaves me feeling very sure of my religious choices. I see no other way to live life than to love God, and that gives me so much freedom.

Megan's prayer: Amy Grant's "Nothing is Beyond You"

And I can not explain the way
You came to loving me

Love has been on my mind a lot lately. Loving myself, loving others, accepting God's love... all different types of love. Perhaps it isn't something that I will ever fully achieve. Perhaps I'll always be working on loving myself, others, and God more. Perhaps I'll always be working on knowing God's love in a truer sense. And although I don't think that I'll ever understand it to completion, I would like to gain a better understanding of God's love for me. I think that will come from loving myself more and knowing of others' love for me.

Megan's prayer: Hillsong United's "At the Cross"

I know you love me
I love how this song goes through a list of actions or things that happen to basically prove that God loves us. He holds us up. He guides us. He shields our way. All of the wonderful things God does, and yet sometimes I struggle with believing it. How could I not know? How could I ever doubt His love?

Megan's prayer: Hillsong United's "Came to My Rescue"

This is one of those songs that I like to slightly change the lyrics as I sing them, especially if I am singing the song during Adoration. I sing the following.

I called
Please answer
Please come to my rescue
Cause I want to be where you are

Although I like how the original words are, I enjoy that my words are a bit more personal. Praying this song like this can lead to powerful things. We are asking God to come and save us. We have told God we want to be where He is. What if He takes us seriously? What if he starts to answer all our prayers? Am I truly ready to be changed? Am I ready to hear His answers? I *think* I am. I think that I'm ready to be rescued by God.

Megan's prayer: Brian Doerksen's "Refiner's Fire"

Purify my heart

Despite having gone to confession just one week ago, I feel that my heart needs to once again be purified. I struggle with changing my ways. I struggle with always choosing the path that leads me to God.

Luckily, God is forgiving. God loves us no matter what. God is still there for me, even if I tend to make mistakes more often than I should.

Megan's prayer: Hillsong United's "Take it All"

We'll never be ashamed of you

One of the things I enjoy most about going on retreats is that no one there is ashamed of their love for Jesus. We are all there BECAUSE of our love for Him - so it wouldn't make sense if we were ashamed of it. It gives me the chance to be obvious about my faith - to share my faith with others.

Coming back from retreat is a bit harder. Being back in the "real world" where not everyone shares in my faith is a challenge. How do I best share my faith? How do I share my faith at work without explicitly telling my students what I believe in? Can I just show my faith through my actions, without needing to use words? How can I still show the world I'm not ashamed of Jesus, or my faith?

Megan's prayer: Hillsong United's "Hosanna"

Break my heart for what breaks yours

I wonder what it would be like to walk a mile in God's shoes. To feel what he is feeling - to love like He loves. Would it be frustrating to have all of these people who He loves not returning the love? What really breaks God's heart?

I wonder how God handles so many cases of unrequited love. Is his heart constantly broken by our human flaws? How can we be better?

So many questions, so little time.

Megan's prayer: Hillsong United's "Mighty to Save"

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures

I appreciate the fact that God will just take me as I am. All of my faults, failures, fears - all of my imperfections - and God still wants me. It seems that in many other areas of my life I'm still trying to live up to people's expectations, sometimes unrealistic expectations, but at least with God I know that just being me is "enough".

Tonight is a good night for me to reflect on God's acceptance of who I am - and not be feeling pressure to change who I am.

Megan's prayer: Chris Tomlin's "The Wonderful Cross"

Love so amazing

I had the chance yesterday to give a talk to the teens on retreat about God's love. And although I had heard similar talks many times before, for some reason it was very different for me to actually give the talk. The words became more real as I spoke them. In some small way, I was actually able to see how amazing God's love was. My talk probably didn't change lives or anything, but I'm hoping that at least one teen took something away from it and has since then been able to better understand how amazing God's love is.

Megan's prayer: Jason Upton's "Gideon"

And if I were really honest

Tonight I had the chance to be completely honest with myself. I had the opportunity to go to confession. I had the time to sit and talk with God about what has been going on in my life. I had to be honest. I had to face my faults and my failures. It's not fun, but it is necessary and I am happy I did it. I feel much lighter and ready to share Christ with the teens this weekend.

Megan's prayer: Cheer Up Charlie's "Xanaphobe"

Listen to me all you kids.
A small, and perhaps insignificant line in the song. A line that I probably wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't been reading the lyrics as I listened to the song. But regardless of how little it's importance is to the song, it really stuck with me.

It's a constant struggle to figure out how to get kids to listen to me. My whole job is based around how well I am able to get kids to listen to me. The success of the retreat this weekend is partly based around how well the CORE team is able to get the kids to listen to us as we talk.

And while it is important for kids (or teens) to listen to what I have to say, I need to remember that what they have to say is equally important. The stories they want to share help reveal more about that "kid" as a real person. The questions they ask help me dig a bit into their life and discover something about them. Especially on retreat, listening to a teen share during a small group is extremely important.

I hope that this weekend is filled with mutual respect and listening from both the CORE and the teens.

Megan's prayer: God's Property's "He Will Take Away The Pain"

Hold on. Don't give up.

In the book I was reading yesterday, there was a section about delayed gratification, about trusting that the good will come, and don't give in now for something that is less than what you deserve. This is really a message I need to remember and apply to many areas of my life. Even if things aren't great now, they will get better. Even if I'm not currently where I would like to be, I know that there are reasons for that. God has a plan for me, and He will help me figure that plan out. I just need to be patient while It happens, and focus on enjoying the "now".

Megan's prayer: Jason Upton's "Freedom Reigns"

Whatever you're burdened with tonight
Whatever you struggle with tonight
There is freedom

I love this song. It is calming, and reassuring. I especially love the above line. No matter what I am struggling with, or what I am burdened with, there is freedom coming. Doesn't matter how big or small this thing may be, God knows how to help. I look to God tonight as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight and am unsure of the different burdens I am feeling. I know that someday there will be freedom, and I pray God can get me there safely.

Megan's prayer: Andy Cloninger's "We Are Waiting"

We are waiting

It seems that so much of my life is focused on what is still to come - the things that I am waiting for. Simple things, like waiting for a school day to end just so I have 5 minutes of quiet. Waiting for our LifeTeen retreat to come so that I can stop preparing and just enjoy the retreat. Waiting for this school year to end so that I can know what next year holds for me. Life is constantly about waiting.

I'm struggling with that because it causes me to lose focus of the "now". I can easily focus on others and their "now" - I'm able to see what others have and the things that they have been waiting for, but I lose focus of that when I start to look at my own "now". If I looked at my now, I'm sure I would be pleasantly surprised to see how well I am doing. I have a family that loves me. I have a job that pays enough, and that I LOVE going to. I have a boyfriend who loves and cares about me, and I have a family in LifeTeen that will always be there for me. I'm SO blessed. I need to start taking a few minutes to focus on the now, and stop focusing all that I am waiting for.