Megan's prayer: Jill Phillips' "I am"

I am peace that shatters all your secret fears

I enjoy joking and being sarcastic 92% of the time. I was the class clown in grade school, and even though I became a little more shy in high school and college, it's still pretty clear to everyone that I enjoy joking around.

The 8% of the time that I don't enjoy it is when I want to have a meaningful conversation with someone. Because I'm joking around so often, it's hard to sit down and be serious. Sometimes I used the joking to cover up my fears.

Attending life teen during high school helped me with this problem. I didn't know most of the people in the group, so I had a chance to be something other than just a "jokester" with them. At life nights, I felt peaceful. I found myself able to have deep conversations, where I shared my fears, with people that I didn't know all that well.

I pray, tonight, that God continues to give me that peace that allows me to talk about my fears with others. I pray that when others look at me, they see more than just my sarcasm and my jokes, but also see God's love and peace.

Chris' prayer: Jill Phillips' "I Am"

When I was younger, my dad said to me and my sisters, "You are all closer to your mother than you are to me," and, if I'm being honest, it is probably true. While I was growing up, Dad was the bread winner. While he didn't work a ton of hours, the hours he did work were strange enough that he was in bed early, and out the door before we'd even dreamed of awaking. My mother, meanwhile, reared me and my sisters. She poured the milk in our cereal, packed our lunches, picked us up from school, and cooked dinner. These two different roles that my parents played pretty much assured that we would be closer to her than we were to him. The price of putting food on the table for his family, I suppose.

I'm not sure I have ever pictured God as a mother, but that is precisely the image this song is evoking in me, not only because of the line directly comparing God to a mother, but because the whole song feels like a lullaby, sung by a mother to her child. The softness of the lyrics, and the softness of Phillips' voice, along with the pace of the song remind me so much of my mother's demeanor: constant, near, peaceful, wise.


iTunes | Lyrics

Jen's prayer: Jill Philips' "I am"

This morning I was having somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I wasn't quite sure what to do so I decided to see what today's song was. What a comfort to read those lyrics:

I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

It is so good to know that Jesus is there for me. He knows my heart's desires. He isn't ignoring what I want...He just knows better than I do on what I truly need. I am learning a lot right now about patience and waiting. I have a lot of unknowns in my life and I'm learning how to walk by faith, not by sight. It's scary, but I am glad Jesus is the peace that shatters all my fears.

Katie's prayer: Jill Phillips' "I am"

Drop that heavy load you hold 'cause Mine is light.

Today's song (well, really this line) reminded me of a story I recently read in the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. It's kinda a long story, but I have to put it here so y'all might understand fully my prayer for today. Plus it's a great story. (I'll try to cut it down some) (:

The story is told of a man who met God in a lovely valley one day. "How are you this morning?" God asked the fellow. "I'm fine, thank you." the man replied. "Is there anything I can do for you today?" "Yes there is," God said. "I have a wagon with three stones in it, and I need someone to pull it up the hill for me. Are you willing?" "Yes, I'd love to do something for you. Those stones don't look very heavy, and the wagon's in good shape. I'd be happy to do that. Where would you like me to take it?" God gave the man specific instructions, sketching a map in the dust at the side of the road. "Go through the woods and up the road that winds up the side of the hill. Once you get to the top, just leave the wagon there. Thank you for your willingness to help me today." "No problem!" the man replied and set off cheerfully.

The wagon pulled a big behind him, but the burden was an easy one. He began to whistle as he walked quickly through the forest. The sun peeked through the trees and warmed his back. What a joy to be able to help the Lord, he thought, enjoying the beautiful day. Just around the third bed, he walked into a small village. People smiled and greeted him. Then, at the last house, a man stopped him and asked, "How are you this morning? What a nice wagon you have. Where are you off to?" "Well, God gave me a job this morning. I'm delivering these three stones to the top of the hill." "My goodness! Can you believe it? I was just praying this morning about how I was going to get this rock I have up to the top of the mountain," the man told him with great excitement. "You don't suppose you could take it up there for me? It would be such an answer to prayer." The man with the wagon smiled and said, "Of course. I don't supposed God would mind. Just put it behind the other three stones." Then he set off with three stones and a rock rolling behind him.

The wagon seemed a bit heavier. He could feel the jolt of each bump, and the wagon seemed to pull to one side a bit. The man stopped to adjust the load as he sang a hymn of praise, pleased to be helping out a brother as he served God. Then he set off again and soon reached another small village at the side of the road. A good friend lived there and offered him a glass of cider. "You're going to the top of the hill?" his oldest friend asked. "Yes! I am so excited. Can you imagine, God gave me something to do!" "Hey!" said his friend. "I need this bag of pebbles taken up. I've been so worried that it might not get taken care of since I haven't any time to do it myself. But you could fit it in right between the three stones here in the middle." With that, he placed his burden in the wagon. "Shouldn't be a problem" the man said. "I think I can handle it." He finished the cider, then stood up and brushed his hands on his overalls before gripping the handle of the wagon. He waved good-bye and began to pull the wagon back onto the road.

The wagon was definitely tugging on his arm now, but it wasn't uncomfortable. As he started up the incline, he began to to feel the weight of the three stones, the rock, and the pebbles. Still, it felt good to help a friend. Surely God would be proud of how energetic and helpful he'd been. One little stop followed another, and the wagon grew fuller and fuller. The sun was hot above the man pulling it, and his shoulders ached with the strain. The songs of praise and thanksgiving that had filled his heard had long since left his lips as resentment began to build inside. Surely this wasn't what he had signed up for that morning. God had given him a burden heavier than he could bear.

The wagon felt huge and awkward as it lumbered and swayed over the ruts in the road. Frustrated, the man was beginning to have visions of giving up and letting the wagon roll backward. God was playing a cruel game with him. The wagon lurched, and the load of obligations collided with the back of his legs leaving bruises. "This is it!" he fumed. "God can't expect me to haul this all the way up the mountain." "Oh God," he wailed."This is too hard for me! I though you were behind this trip, but I am overcome by the heaviness of it. You'll have to get someone else to do it. I'm just not strong enough."

As he prayed, God came to his side. "Sounds like you're having a hard time. What's the problem?" "You gave me a job that is too hard for me," the man sobbed."I'm just not up to it! God walked over to where the wagon was braced with a stone. "What is this?" He held up the bag of pebbles. "That belongs to John, my good friend. He didn't have time to bring it up himself. I thought I would help."

{God unloads the wagon....}

"If you will be content to let others take their own burdens," God told him, "I will help you with your task." "But I promised I would help! I can't leave these things lying here." "Let others shoulder their own belongings," God said gently. "I know you were trying to help, but when you are weighted down with all these cares, you cannot do what I have asked of you." The man jumped to his feet, suddenly realizing the freedom God was offering. "You mean I only have to take the three stones after all?" he asked. "That is what I asked you to do." God smiled. "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. I will never ask you to carry more than you can bear."

I feel like I'm a lot like this man often. I mean, just yesterday, the Totus Tuus team told me of two things they needed - copies of night prayer and yarn in various colors - I immediately thought I'd be the one to make the copies, buy the yarn, and drive a half hour one-way to deliver these items to the team, in addition to the other tasks already on my plate for today. I easily become a control freak and think if I don't do it, it won't get done properly, it won't be done in the best way, it might not even get done at all, so I have to do it! Do it all! I think God's trying to send me a subtle message with that story and today's song that I don't have to do it all. It is possible to say no. (: